


Not Alone

by Hotaru_no_mori



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dancing and Singing, F/M, Gen, Her own included, Identity Issues, Mary Poppins References, Memory Loss, Memory Palace, Mental Instability, Missy & Rose Tyler friendship, Missy (Doctor Who) Deserved Better, Missy Being Missy (Doctor Who), Missy has problems remembering names, Missy just wants her best friend back, Misunderstandings, One does not simply recover instantly from thousands of years of insanity, Or the bloody Time War, Other, POV Missy (Doctor Who), POV The Doctor (Doctor Who), Rassilon (Doctor Who) is a Dick, Sane(ish) Master, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, The Master (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, The Master Has Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 23,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26696302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hotaru_no_mori/pseuds/Hotaru_no_mori
Summary: What if instead of ending up back inside the time war with Rassilon and his peanut gallery. The Master was flung trough time and regenerated. What if he (now she) also lost the bloody drums. What happens then, when The Doctor fresh out of the Time war finds a sane(er) Missy? And is that even her name anymore?
Relationships: Missy & Rose Tyler, Ninth Doctor/Missy, Ninth Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), The Doctor/Missy (Doctor Who), The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. The rising anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

The Master has reached his breaking point. To put it in a better way, he has reached the peak of his shitometre and is completely and utterly pissed off. Why you may ask? BECAUSE HE JUST FOUND OUT THE REASON FOR HIS DRUMS!!!!

To be the malleable little puppet for Rassilon and his cronies to use as an escape route from the time war. He refused to accept that as the reason for his existence. No sirre, he would not stand for this.

The drums were beating louder than ever, but not even the overwhelming noise of his constant, never ending companion would drown out the indignant rage of being made a monster by the stiffnecked snoots that went by the name of The High Council when they were the little worms that made the monster. Oh, and also, his former best friend was pointing a gun at him.

Well, isn’t this fantastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea popped up. So why not? Let’s see how this goes.


	2. The stirring of Koschei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

The Master felt partially paralyzed. On the outside he was just standing still, only thing moving being his mouth that was trying to convince his ex-best friend/arch nemesis to shoot the god forsaken, brain washing, scum of the multiverse going by the name of Rassilon instead of him who obviously was the victim.

A victim turned into a life stealing parasite of a genocidal mass murderer, but nevertheless the victim. It was not like he had asked in any way shape or form to be turned into a rabid beast of a madman.

For Rassi, (nope nevermind) for Gods sake (better to use the name or title to someone he had never met than someone he has already thought of 654667 different ways of killing slowly, with the maximum amount of pain) he'd been eight years old for crying out loud!

On the inside however there was a raging fire blazing hotter and hotter by every second and the drums were only getting louder and _louder_ and _LOUDER_ and they were asking for blood. They wanted to tear everything into little pieces until there was nothing left. Until the only living thing left in existence their prize captive. Their captive that had stopped fighting their control oh so long ago. Their captive that wanted to be the master of all because they said so. Because they crushed his morals into little tiny grains of sand, because they twisted, turned and broke off parts of his emotions until they were pleased, because they had taken him apart peace by peace before putting him back together into what they saw fit.

Locking whatever little was left of what was once Koschei away behind massive walls in his mindscape where he was left to slumber to kingdom come. But now he was stirring and he was fighting back. This did not happen often, but you never knew when it came to the Doctor. He always had a way of stirring him in some form or another.

But none of the inner car wreck that goes by the name of the Masters head was showing on the outside. At least not that much. Standing at gunpoint has a way of unnerving you. Even if you are an insane time lord. It does not help that you know you have screwed over the person holding the gun in a million different ways, even if it’s due to your bloody, headache inducing insanity.

Spouting out some bullshit about how he would become the lord president of Gallifrey if he shot the bloody worm going by the name of Rassilon from the top of his head did not help. Come on, this is the Doctor he was talking to. He had already been offered the position before and ran away screaming. Why on earth would he want it now.

 _Yes_! Was the first thought running trough his head when the Doctor finally switched his aim over to Rassilon and his snivelling goons. Before switching over to a sad and confused _why?_ When he switched his aim back to the Master. Realization dawning on him when he realized that he was the signal that needed to be cut for so the devil went back to hell with all of his lesser demons.

_Well shit. The world really seems to get a kick out of screwing me over doesn’t it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot of inner monologue I’m afraid.


	3. He's loose!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

“Get out of the way”

Oh, he could just kiss the Doctor right now! The relief and happiness of his best friend still caring enough and being smart enough to avoid killing him. In this moment Koschei was wide awake and all he wanted to do was hug his best friend in the whole multiverse and never let go. But priorities. All he could manage was giving the Doctor the most dazzling smile possible (more like a smirk... give me a break I am mentally unstable and in a considerable amount of pain) before dodging the bullet heading straight for the white point star.

_Hah. So long suckers!_

The Master watched with glee when the bloody bastard in red and his merry crew was getting sucked back into the time war.

“The link is broken!” The doctor shouted. “Back into the time war Rassilon! Back into hell!”

 _Got that bloody right_ , the Master thought gleefully. Even the not raving mad part of him that was Koschei was happy over this development. But then Rassilon said something that made everything in his messed-up brain stop to a screeching halt.

“You’ll die with me Doctor!”

“I know”, was the Doctors reply to the statement. That was not the right reply for the Master.

An indignant _, What?!_ Was the only thing left in his head except for the ever-present drums that was beating so loudly they threatened to break his skull. But that was something the Master ignored in favor of the emotions overflowing in every fiber of his being in that moment.

In that moment multiple things happened. Rassilon raised his gauntlet at the Doctor. The doctor just stood there accepting death like some kind of martyr. Koschei broke free from his cell and took total control and he was not happy. The _what_ , in the Mast, no, Koschei’s head changed into a resounding _NO!!!_ But most importantly (even though Koschei didn’t notice due to the high-pressure situation) was that the drums finally STOPPED! The result was Koschei getting up shouting in repeat of the Doctor earlier words.

“Get out of the way!”, before throwing lightning bolt after lightning bolt at Rassilon and his posies of red dahlias while shouting out with all of his indignant rage.

“YOU DID THIS TO ME!”, throwing another blast before shouting “All my life!”. The anger was running through him like a hurricane while he kept on attacking, he screamed “You made me! Continuing on with no intentions of relenting until his worn-out body croaked it’s last breath “One! Two! Three! FOUR!”

Koschei felt his body get sucked into the light. His body breaking down. Getting ripped away from his best friend once more. The pain increasing steadily before getting soothed and burned by something familiar, wild and untamed at the same exact time. _Huh, the time vortex. What do you know?_

The last thought sluggishly drifting through his mind after the emotions of anger, indignancy, fright and all-around pain had toned down was _I don’t even care about whatever conflict I have going on with the Doctor. I just want my best friend back._ Before he gave in to the sweet oblivion of darkness that was the state of unconsciousness. He could respond to the lack of drums in his head when he woke up. Or if he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go. New chapter. By the way, I have gone through clips of Missy to just see what parts I should incorporate. She likes music and singing at random times. This is gonna be fun!


	4. No more drums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

The first thought that popped up in Koschei’s head when he woke up was,

_Huh, what do you know? I’m alive! That’s good._

The second thought soon after when he tried to move his tattered and depleted body on the other hand was,

_OW! Bloody hell! I also feel like I’ve been run over by a Judoon platoon before getting an acid bath and got roasted by a supernova afterwards just for kicks. Not so good._

Looking at his hand and noticing the golden glow it was emitting and the changes happening in his dying body, he thought thirdly,

_Oh, thank all the higher beings above. I’m regenerating. That’s really good. Much better option than dying and I really think I need a new start anyway._

After taking a deep breath to muster up what little strength he got left he got up from the grass field he was lying on prior to waking up and stood up while shakenly leaning to a nearby tree.

_Where the bloody hell even am I? Did I just fall randomly out of the time vortex? Okay there’s grass and I’m leaning on a willow tree. Should hide me a little at the very least. Anyway, so I’m probably still on earth, somewhere on the northern hemisphere and… Ugh, my brain is malfunctioning! It’s thought capacity is nearly at a zero percentage and that is disqualifying the dru…._

Freezing suddenly Koschei realized something, something he had neglected earlier due to the circumstances and his already depleted body. Something of a humongous importance. Something life changing. Something freeing. Something scary. Something mind altering in its effects.

His head was silent. There was nothing there. Nothing except his own thoughts. No noise, no telepathic connections. Just, nothing.

_The drums… they’re gone?_

The relief and overall shock he felt in that moment was all-consuming. It was too much. Sitting down at the base of the willow tree Koschei did something he hadn’t done in a long time. So long that he didn’t even remember when he did it last. He broke down crying. He cried with heart wrenching sobs with nobody except the wind as witness to his tears. Tears of pure relief over his sanity’s release from captivity in the trenches of his own corrupted, sociopathic mind.

Taking deep breaths in an effort to calm himself and reel in the tears that were flowing down his face like a river Koschei (because he truly was Koschei again, not the twisted being that used to be him that chose the name The Master) told himself to calm down.

_Crying is not the last thing I want to do before I regenerate. Oh, dear lord, I am about to regenerate. Okay time to put the whole: I am finally free, and: Oh, my god forsaken GOD! I have killed BILLIONS in my brain washed state of evil master mind. On hold. I need somewhat of a clear head for this process, thank you very much. I miss Theta, wonder when I can see him next. I should go look for him and say I’m sorry. NOT NOW!_

Steeling himself and trying to push away everything going through his head, including the fear creeping in over the complete lack of noise in his head at this point in time.

He was not used to his head ever being this quiet. There was also the issue over that Koschei still partially felt like he was an eight-year-old time tot and not the fully mature, adult Time Lord he truly was.

It was like there were to separate beings in his head. One that were the original Koschei and one that was the artificially created Master that had used parts of Koschei twisted and moulded until it fit into the puzzle that were the madness of the drums. All this time they were both alive and fighting for control with The Master winning due to experience and the drums empowerment. Then the drums vanished and with it went The Masters artificially created ego. Now the part that was The Master were dead all that was left were the memories and experiences.

All those memories, spanning over thousands of years and Koschei needed to so to say digest them. The assimilation process would not be a pleasant or short experience. He dreaded to think how he was going to handle the ocean of memories. Especially without a TARDIS or somebody to watch over him, but it had to be done. If he did not accomplish the feat, he would lose his mind, again.

He had just restored his sanity. He would rather keep it intact, thank you very much. He should have some time after newly regenerating to find a better place to go into a healing coma. Humans were primitive, savages most of the time, so he would prefer not to be found while he was vulnerable by creatures that had an equal chance of helping him to put him on a dissecting board to play with at their convenience.

Standing up again before taking a few steps away from the willow tree. He finally let the regeneration energy overtake him. The only thing running through his mind at this moment were,

_I just want a new beginning with my best friend, my Theta._

Closing her eyes and taking in the changes to her new, invigorating body that was just bursting with energy. Eyes bursting open a second later in surprise.

“Oh my. That’s different”

Piercing blue eyes softened and red lips formed into a charming smile.

“I’ve certainly never been a girl before”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy has made her debut!


	5. Call for help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

Looking over his, no wait her new body while adjusting her now too big clothes (psh clothes, rags are the more accurate description), she could not help the feeling of joy that was building from the deepest crevices of her chest. She had brown shoulder length hair and going over to the river next to the willow tree. she saw her new face for the first time in the reflective surface of the water.

She seemed to be in early to mid-twenties. She had a face with high cheek bones, pink lips and soul piercing ice blue eyes. Altogether giving off a regal and classy air. Her face reflected in the water broke out into a beaming smile letting her complete and utter joy shine through.

This is exactly what she wanted. A new beginning, a chance to distance herself from the image of the monstrous man that were dancing to the beat of madness that was played on a continuous loop in his head.

Now she was finally free to dance to whatever the hell she wanted. She had no clue as to who the hell she was, but that was okay. She had time and the freedom to choose. And the feeling of freedom was GLOURIOUS! She felt positively giddy. She just stood there looking at herself while giggling like a little girl. She just wanted to shout and sing and dance. Now that the mindboggling pain of dying were gone and she were on the high that were regeneration energy she could finally enjoy the SILENCE!

Then it finally hit her like a bucket of cold water, abruptly cutting off her giggling. The silence. The complete and utter silence. It had never in her life been this quiet in her head. Not even before the drums came to play the puppet master of madness on the orders of the president-of-the-disgusting-bloody-life-and-sanity-ruining-community Lord Rassilon himself. Even before that, she had always heard the voices of the other time lords. Why couldn’t she hear anybody?

Suddenly the silence in her head started to be eery. What happened with the other time lords? Her parents? Her brothers and sisters? Theta? What was going on? Hadn’t she just seen Theta? Where did he go? Where were everybody? Trying to think and dip down into the giant pile of rubble that consisted of The Masters memories she tried to dig up the reason for the silence.

The overwhelming feeling of random memories and emotions from different points in time made her recoil back in fright. Resulting only in getting more terrified in the process and none the wiser to what the bloody hell was going on. Koschei began to be really utterly terrified and only getting more consumed by two thoughts.

_It’s silent. Where’s Theta. It’s silent. Where’s Theta. It’s silent. Where’s Theta. It’s silent. Where’s Theta. It’s silent. Where’s Theta. It’s silent. Where’s Theta. It’s silent. Where’s Theta. It’s SILENT. Where’s THETA. IT’S SILENT! WHERE’S THETA!_

She could feel the tears building up in the corners of her eyes. She was sure that she had just seen him! Where was he? She was shaking now. Backing away from the river until she hit the willow tree before sinking down to a crouch with her hands on her head. The thought of loosing her best friend and not being able to remember what the bloody hell happened with the chaotic mess in her head blocking her scared her to no end.

Subconsciously lowering her remaining mental shields, she searched desperately after somebody, anybody. Sending out a desperate, confused and chaotic SOS.

And somewhere someone in the time vortex that were reaching out with the same desperation with the same plea of a response from somebody, anybody. The desperate plea made by someone fresh out of the time war and were absolutely terrified of being completely and utterly alone with only his Tardis to fill the silence in his head. Someone desperately searching for a sign that SOMEBODY survived.

Somewhere someone responded to her call. And they were coming. The doctor was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a little cliff hanger. I decided to have Missy a bit younger than she was when she showed up in the original series. We don’t know how old she was when she was newly regenerated anyway and I don’t know, it just fits better.
> 
> By the way I just feel like telling why I decided to write this specific story (outside of boredom of course). I really didn’t like how Missy got screwed over at the end of her story arc. She had just decided to be better and she dies before (apparently) getting regenerated into another psycho that made her story arc seem pointless. 
> 
> Seriously, the next Master goes right back to being evil again. They also don’t really address the drums in Missy’s incarnation either if I remember correctly. So yeah, I don’t like how they always snuff out The Masters chances of redemption. This author’s note became really fricking long. What’s left to say now? Umm, OH. Next one is gonna be the good doctor’s point of view.


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doctors pov:

Waking up from a healing coma in his TARDIS after regenerating was highly unpleasant for The Doctor. Especially considering he WAS NOT PLANNING ON SURVIVING!!!

He had been fully prepared to perish with the rest of his planet when he activated The Moment. But NO! His punishment for slaughtering his people were apparently to be the only survivor. To be all alone with the silence and the echoing screams still ringing in his head as a reminder of the fact that he was all alone.

Sitting on the floor of the beat-up console room of his time ship the realization of what he had done hit him like a flaming asteroid. A hysterical sob slipping out in the process. He was alone, nobody survived The Moment. The Moment HE HAD ACTIVATED!!

He just sat there wishing he could have done something, anything different, but he had had no choice and no time.

 _A Time Lord lacking time_. The doctor thought bitterly. The hysteria of what he had done was building up to critical levels. The Doctor, The Oncoming Storm, were breaking down crying with heart wrenching sobs, curling in on himself with his hands pressing hardly into the sides of his head.

In this moment his mental shields broke completely down and he started telepathically reaching out. Frantically searching for somebody, anybody. Just a sign that someone survived his slaughter.

Then suddenly he froze, slamming his eyes wide open and tears drying up in shock. He had made contact with somebody. He had made CONTACT!!! Scampering up from the floor he ran to the console in a full-blown sprint. Trying to find the coordinates for the scared, confused and panicking mind of the TIME LORD he had made contact with in his frenzy.

THERE!!! He had found the coordinates! Suddenly The Doctor stopped moving. His hand resting on the final lever. A nasty thought had suddenly made its appearance in his head. Would this other Time Lord even want to see him? The destroyer of their home. Could he even handle their judgement and anger for what he had done in his emotionally fragile state?

The doubts were creeping in now. Would it be better if he left the other alone? It was a Time Lord after all. They knew how to take care of themselves. Crashing trough those doubts with a sledgehammer however, were the telepathically received signals filling up the silence in his head.

The other was so lost and confused. Reaching out with a similar franticness to his own. Only worse. The other was so frantic that they had not even realized they had made contact.

Taking a deep breath and gathering up his courage, The Doctor pushed the last lever and the TARDIS was once again tumbling through the time vortex before reaching the goal. Landing with the usual sounds.

Going out with his hearts feeling like they wanted to escape his chest and hide away in a black hole. The Doctor opened the door to the view of a lush green forest.

Looking around while trying to locate the Time Lord or Lady that apparently were in this forest on earth of all places. The Doctor noticed the regeneration energy still lingering in the air. Eyes widening at the realization that whomever was out here was vulnerable and possibly needed help. The Doctor picked up the pace to reach the willow tree he could feel the signal coming from.

Reaching the tree, The Doctor pushed aside the branches before stopping with a start at the sight of the Time Lady sitting on the ground leaning against the trunk of the tree.

He probably looked like a fool where he stood looking at the woman. What with the battling feelings of shock, hope and fear showing themselves clear as day on his face altogether making quite the incredulous facial expression.

Snapping out of it with a start The Doctor hurried over once he noticed something was clearly wrong with her. She was sitting in a crouch muttering lowly to herself and seemingly not even noticing his presence.

Finally reaching the dazed Time Lady The Doctor reached out slowly to her shoulder. Making her finally notice him when his hand made contact. Looking up with a start they locked eyes. Blue meeting Blue. Her face previously covered by her curly, brown hair shown for the first time (To him). Trying to pull himself together and seeing he did not recognise the others mental signature, The Doctor decided to introduce himself.

(What did you expect? For him to go, “Hello, were the last of our kind let’s procreate?”)

“Um, hello.”

The Doctor started hesitantly.

“I’m The Doc…” He only got so far before getting cut off by the Time Lady who at some point went from looking like she was having a panic attack to having the most ginormous grin on her face.

“THETA!” Was the last thing he heard before his whole world flipped. The Time Lady had thrown herself at him, making him lose his balance due to the surprise attack. Laughing in pure joy all the way.

“What?” Was the only thing he could force out of his mouth through the muddled confusion that filled his brain.

Okay, he was not expecting that. For one, she called him by his childhood nickname. B no secondly, she was happy to see him. Thirdly no C, no wait. Thirdly she had tackled him into a hug.

What made this so unexpected you may ask? He could not think of anybody who would be so happy to see him. Even the ones who knew him as Theta Sigma first and The Doctor secondly. The only one that flashed through his head that fit those criteria’s were no longer an option due pretty solid reasons. Namely insanity and death.

“I’m sorry, but have we met?” The Doctor asked the still laughing Time Lady.

Finally sitting up from their sprawled-out state on the ground while till slightly laughing she answered, “Well I should definitely think so. I saw you last like ten minutes ago. Where did you go by the way?”

Stopping up to really look at him she asked, “When did you regenerate anyway? Don’t get me wrong you look nice, but aren’t you burning through those regenerations a little fast?”

Eyes widening at the casually given information The Doctor decided to just right out ask.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t recognise your mental signature. Would you mind telling me which body I had when you saw me last?”

Tilting her head a bit while mulling over his request, but still beaming away like a second sun. She replied saying,

“Well the whole mental signature thingy can easily be explained as the puppet was talking and blocking most of the time while we were interacting.”

An incredulous, _what_ was the main thing going through The Doctors head hearing this. He had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but he was pretty sure he did not like the implication.

“As for body. It was the one, you know with a long coat and you know the hair” She was making gestures to her head while saying this.

So far this sounded like his fourth body.

“And you know, the…” She said while making gestures to her neck. Yup definitely his fourth body.

“And, you know, the…” She said while making circle motions with her fingers. “Twirlies” She finished lamely.

_Is she referencing my hair?_

The Doctor thought.

“Okay, fantastic” Clapping his hands together he continued.

“I still don’t know who you are though. So hows about an introduction?”

Tilting her head, she looked at him in confusion. Raising his eyebrows at her weird reaction, he tried again.

“Okay. Let’s take it from the top. Hello, I’m The Doctor and you are?”

Comprehension dawning, she once more broke into a blinding smile. Looking like she is about to share the most wonderful news of the millennia, she answered. Happiness overflowing.

“I haven’t got a clue!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that is this chapter done. Hope you find this a fun read. If you don’t then this is just not your cup of tea. Move along with your life.


	7. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

“What?” The Doctor said incredulously.

The Doctor said, “So you don’t know who you are?”

Laughing the Time lady (That seemed loonier the more he interacted with her) nodded.

Nodding along, The Doctor added sarcastically with a fake smile plastered on, “Well isn’t that fantastic?”

“I know!” she said while getting up and throwing her hands in the air.

Getting up a beat later, The Doctor leaned against the willow tree with his arms crossed over his chest. His emotional turmoil getting pushed in the sidelines due to the worry that were building up over what in the seven blazes of hell had happened to the woman in front of him!

Because something had happened. That was something he was a hundred percent sure of. The fact that he had apparently forgotten her only adding to his suspicions. This could just be because she was involved in the time war in some way when he met her and seeing that it was too early in his time stream he ended up losing his memory.

But that was not the only possibility. And the fact that he still could not remember her after reuniting and the time war over made his suspicion on foul play increase.

Deciding to ask a bit more before drawing to conclusions, The Doctor asked.

“So, you seem real chipper for somebody who is having an identity crisis.”

Looking over at him she answered, the big grin never faltering.

“Why wouldn’t I be? The puppet is finally broken and the strings are gone!”

At that she began to dance around in front of a more and more shell-shocked Doctor and sing.

“I ’ve got no strings, to hold me down.”

“To make me fret.” 

“Or to make me frown.”

“I had strings, but now I am free.”

“There are no strings on me.”

She finished with a galante pose before breaking down in laughter.

Staring at her with eyes wide in shock, The Doctor said.

“Hang on. Do you mean you were the puppet?”

Going from laughing to looking at him with exasperation in a microsecond. The Time Lady he still did not know the name of said.

“Oh. Darling try to keep up. I just told you the puppet was broken. That thing may have used me as a base, but just because it used parts of me does not mean it was me. Wait, hang on.”

Suddenly looking at him with deep scrutiny and looking dead serious. She suddenly asked.

“Are you alright?”

Still slightly reeling from the sudden mood changes (and the fact that she was calling him darling!) it took a little while before The Doctor registered what she had just said.

“What makes you say that?” The Doctor asked in slight shock. He thought he had concealed his emotionally weak state rather well.

Rolling her eyes in irritation she replied, “Darling, just because I am happy and jumbled due to the state of my head and regeneration, does not mean I am blind. You have red eyes and tear stains on your shirt. Not to mention your clothes. You look like you just went through the seven circles of hell and back again.”

Laughing slightly at the surprisingly accurate description of the time war The Doctor looked at this strange woman tiredly.

Looking at him calmly she asked carefully, “Does it have anything to do with the silence?

Sighing The Doctor closed his eyes before asking.

“Do you remember anything about the time war?”

Furrowing her brows in deep thought before wincing for some reason, she answered.

“Not really, but then again the is a lot that I can’t remember. But hearing the name I take it that there has been a war?”

Feeling his worry over the weird woman increase, but pushing it to the side to build up the courage to tell the truth.

He was not normally so open, but he was in a dark pit of self-loathing and despair emotionally. The wounds were still fresh and bleeding on his psyche. Overall, he was tired. He did not have the energy or motivation to put up shields. And she deserved to hear the truth.

“You should sit down for this.”

And there. Sitting on the grass with their backs against the willow tree. The Doctor told the only other one of his species left in the universe what happened to their once proud species, what happened to their home and lastly, he told her with breaking hearts how it ended. How he was the one who ended it. Even why he ended it.

Sitting there in silence while looking away in shame. The Doctor tried his best not to break down in tears again.

The next move the Time Lady made took him completely by surprise. Instead of exploding in anger or recoiling in disgust like he had expected. She pulled him into a hug with shaking hands. Simply stating.

“Thank goodness you survived.”

Eyes widening The Doctor let out a choked.

“What?”

Letting out a low laugh shakenly she said.

“Oh, come now. Did you expect me to run away screaming? I can’t remember much, but I do remember that you were the only person in exitance who never truly gave up on me. I may not know who I am, but I do know that I do not intend to be a hypocrite.”

Not even noticing when the tears had started streaming down his face The Doctor lifted his arms to hug her back. He could not describe the relief he felt in that one moment. He wasn’t alone anymore.

He had shown his darkest side and the other had not left! It made him feel like he wasn’t a total monster. Don’t get him wrong he still felt like misery incarnate. But now, he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Cursing whatever or whoever it was who made him forget the person in front of him in the back of his head. He hugged her a little tighter.

Sitting once again in complete silence only broken by the wind rustling in the trees and the occasional sounds of crying. They sat there hugging and crying for a long time. Both broken and confused, but both just as glad as the other that the other was there.

After calming down a considerable time later. The Time Lady suddenly pulled back.

“Why do I have the distinct feeling I am forgetting something?”

Looking at her slightly worried The Doctor asked.

“Didn’t you say that you had a forgotten a lot of things?”

Pausing slightly at his own words The Doctor added.

“What did you mean by that anyway?”

Answering casually, she said.

“Oh, that. I can’t remember when the puppet was in charge. I can only remember before the puppet was made and when I was fighting for control with the blasted thing. That was one evil puppet.”

Getting an image of a blank faced version of the woman in front of him following orders given by a big, dark shadow. The Doctor shuddered slightly, but still paid attention to what she said. He said it once and were saying it again. He was not liking the mental image he got of the woman’s past.

“So, you can’t even remember your name?” The Doctor asked worriedly.

“No, I can. But seeing that the puppet was in charge when I chose the name and I honestly have gone through too much to go by my childhood nickname. That innocent time thot is not who I am anymore. Besides I can’t even remember why the puppet chose that name.”

She said while rolling her eyes at the last part.

Nodding in understanding, The Doctor asked.

“So, what should I call you in the mean time?”

Tilting her head while stroking her chin she said.

“Well, I apparently am a big fan of music in this regeneration at least. How about… Aria? Yes, let’s go with Aria for now.”

Clapping her hands together the newly dubbed Aria said.

“Anyhow, we are getting off topic. There is something vital I am forgetting… OH!”

Aria suddenly looked up in realization.

“Now I remember. I have to go hide.”

Looking shocked at her suddenly walking in a random direction, The Doctor grabbed her arm.

“Hang on, why do you need to hide?”

Looking at him with a slightly dazed smile she answered.

“Because I’m about to go into a healing coma and I do not want to end up as somebody’s dissection project.”

Before collapsing on the spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a long one. By the way the song is from Pinocchio, obviously. You must be living under a rock if you didn’t know that. First music section in this story. Definitely not the last one.


	8. Cleaning up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

The Doctor was having a weird day.

It started out like the worst bloody nightmare since the dawn of time. What with the whole committing a two whole species wide genocide. One of which included his own. Before switching over to weird when he met the woman now lying in the TARDIS sickbay.

She was like a chaotic storm mixed with a sunny day with her ever changing mood swings. In other words, completely unpredictable.

 _That could just be the after effects from regenerating._ The Doctor thought to himself in contemplation. But still.

The Doctor really did not know what to make of her. But what he had pieced together so far through her earlier ramblings were not a pretty picture. She had apparently been mind-controlled for some time. Most likely throughout the whole Time War. Seeing that she could not remember anything about it.

Then there was the fact that she knew him! How in the love of Gallifrey did she know him? According to her description she met him in his fourth body. Why the bloody hell did he not remember meeting her?

Then there was the fact that she suddenly keeled over! He had just met her, but that did not make him any less worried over the only other survivor of his species. Especially considering that she knew what he had done and did not run away in disgust while screaming her head off.

He had just found her, but he really did not want to lose her. And seeing that his medical instruments could not for the artificial life of them locate the damage did not help on his current worry and frustration.

Closing his eyes and sighing tiredly. The Doctor resigned himself to wait for the fantastical weird creature lying in the infirmary to wake up from her healing coma. Perhaps the questions buzzing around in his head would be answered when she had worked through the regeneration energy pulsating through her body.

Thank Rassilon he had slept through it himself. He did not have the faintest clue how long he had lain knocked out on the TARDIS console room floor (and he frankly did not give a rat’s arse), but it did the trick.

Getting up from the chair he was sitting on The Doctor decided to see the extent of the damage on his beloved ship. Seeing that he had been blinded by his soul crushing sorrow and what not. Shaking himself out of that particular train of thought he focused on the current matter at hand.

Finding the damage and fixing it.

A couple of hours passed with The Doctor being neck deep in various wires. The TARDIS had suffered countless damages throughout The Time War. Damages he did not have enough time or energy to fix. The last stand did not help the matter at all. But now The Doctor could finally remedy the previous neglect to the old girl. The distraction from his current issues being a bonus.

After fixing the biggest problems The Doctor got distracted by a sound. Namely the growling from his stomach. Pausing from his work and putting a hand on his stomach with furrowed eyebrows. The Doctor tried to remember the last time he had eaten.

_Let’s see. I had that protein cube… When was that again? Five days ago? Ten? And this was in my previous body… Blimey guess I have to eat something._

Freeing himself from the wire maze, he started walking towards where he had last seen the kitchen. Arriving after a slight detour (if you can call it that seeing that it was more like the cheeky old girl had rearranged the rooms again) The Doctor reached for one of the cupboards before stopping abruptly.

Looking at the hand reaching out towards the cupboard he finally realized. His hands were filthy. Not exactly big news seeing that he had just been working with TARDIS maintenance, but seeing how dirty his hands were he finally remembered his current overall state.

He was still wearing his war garb from his last body. And they were in tatters. Like Aria had said, he looked like he just went through the seven circles of hell and back again. He hadn’t really minded at that point in time seeing that her clothes weren’t exactly in the best of conditions either, but now…

Suddenly feeling self-conscious and antsy to get out of the clothing of the soldier, the man he no longer was, the man he refused to call The Doctor, the murderer. The Doctor practically sprinted to the wardrobe. Praying to his patience that The TARDIS did not muck about with the room placements too much.

Quickly entering the wardrobe room, The Doctor grabbed a shirt, jeans, socks and some boots. He did not feel like wearing something unique or flamboyant this time around. That just did not feel like him anymore. So, something simple and sturdy it was.

Hurrying along to the nearest bathroom equipped with a shower. The Doctor ripped off the soldier suit leaving it for The TARDIS to remove on the bathroom floor. After a cleansing shower The Doctor hurriedly dried off before pulling on the different articles of clothing he had brought.

Feeling lighter and cleaner than he had in a long while The Doctor returned to the kitchen to resume his previous quest of satiating the growling monster in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… here’s a new one? Not really a lot of excitement in this chapter though.


	9. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy pov:

Koschei was in a strange place. Well, strange for you maybe.

She started out in a meadow of red grass surrounded by silver trees. Looking around with a fond expression she thought back on all the fond memories she had of this place.

This was where she (well actually he, considering she was a bloke at the time) and Theta used to sneak out to play when they were time tots. Before The Academy, before the Untempered Schizm, before… the drums started taking over. When they were just children. Children who needed to escape the heavy responsibilities awaiting in their future.

She remembered running away from that claustrophobia inducing house in the middle of the night to this meadow. Just to find her best friend already there for similar reasons. How they confided their various worries to each other before laying down in the red grass with their hands intertwined. Just looking up at the night sky filled with stars.

Joking with each other on how they would escape their responsibilities and travel to each and every one of the stars they could see burning brightly in the sky. She has lost count on how many times they did that (well not really, but anyway). Looking around with clear fondness, her eyes sharpened when she noticed the pieces of rubble partially hidden by the tall grass and trees.

Shaking herself out of her remembrance, Koschei’s eyes steeled themselves in determination. She needed to get back to Theta. 

Koschei began briskly walking past the trees. Each of them with a door holding a memory of her childhood. As she kept walking the scenery changed. From red grass and silver trees to a long corridor. Looking around with a hint of bitterness at the interior reminiscent of The Academy. 

Don’t get her wrong she had plenty of good memories of this place. Theta had been there after all. They had spent a lot of time together during their hundreds of year’s long schooling. She hadn’t given into the madness yet, so most of her memories of this period were intact.

But never the less. This was the place where her descent into insanity started. The place where she started to stop being… Well herself. And what hurt the most was… this was the place were Theta started gradually slipping away from her. Once again, she noticed the rubble on the floor. It was a bigger amount here.

Shutting her eyes, she picked up the pace and kept walking over the rubble and past the bittersweet memories. She did not come here for nostalgia. The scenery once again changed. This time to the interior of a TARDIS. A ruined TARDIS. The place was in shambles. A stark contrast to the previous organized memories. She had found the source of the rubble.

Rolling her mental avatars sleeves up she dived into the chaotic mess that were the memories of “The Master”. She had a lot of work to do.  
…  
After going at it for who knows how long (her time senses were a right mess) Koschei stepped back to watch her work. 

Not bad.

She thought to herself.

She hadn’t really fixed much of the interior damage. There were after all thousands of year’s worth of memories in here all of it in a disorganized mess in no specific order. But she had laid the ground work for a functioning system for her mental recovery. Most of which were made of barriers and shields. Shields for her mind and barriers to keep the mess out of the functioning parts of her mind palace.

But that was not the best part of this system. It would take her ages no matter what to fix the mess in her head. But using this method she would be able to wake up! Practically buzzing with excitement over seeing her best friend again Koschei hurriedly activated the barrier.

Waking up with a start a second later.

Looking around with a mixture of confusion and happiness. Koschei got up with a leap of joy, looking around for her Theta.

No. Wait. Oh, that’s right. He chose the name The Doctor. Need to remember to call him that. Anyway. Gotta find my best friend!

Koschei thought to herself with no small amount of glee. Trying to send a mental feeler out to locate her missing best friend she recoiled quickly in pain. Wincing she thought.

Okay. The mental locator is off the table at the moment. Bloody sodding hell that hurt.

Looking around she was suddenly aware of a mental presence. In that moment she noticed exactly where she was. Looking around with greater focus. Touching the wall in an almost reverie she said.

“Oh. Hello.”

Assaulted by a vague memory, she said almost unconsciously.

“I’m sorry.”

She wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for. Just that she needed to apologize. Feeling a mental nudge from the TARDIS. As if to say ‘no worries’. Koschei smiled slightly before shaking her head in an effort to consentrate.

Standing up she suddenly noticed the odd feel of her clothes. Looking down she thought.

Oh my! Dear lord my outfit is in tatters.

The hoodie and jeans her previous incarnation had put on looked like they had been through a frontal assault of epic proportions. Deciding to postpone her search to launch another search for a wardrobe. Koschei began her quest for a better outfit. Noticing how dirty she felt she shuddered and moved a shower on the number one spot on the priority list.  
…  
After taking a quick shower and shrugging on a bathrobe, the TARDIS showed her the way to the wardrobe. Stroking the wall in thanks Koschei started to look around for an outfit. She hadn’t got a single clue on what she wanted to wear, just nothing remotely the same as that nausea inducing imp of a puppet that had been in control for far too long.

Looking around she suddenly noticed an umbrella. Picking it up she suddenly had a memory surfacing.

It was during her previous incarnations time. He was in the middle of courting Lucy. They had movie nights he had sat through in order to woo her and appear somewhat normal. Of course, the bloody puppet hated every second of the experience, but the memory was there.

The particular memory was one of the movies they had seen when Lucy had decided on a Disney marathon of all things. The almighty Master, sitting on a sofa watching children movies. The thought made Koschei laugh, but anyhow. Seeing the umbrella, she could not stop thinking of a certain character.

The woman who was practically perfect in every way. Wouldn’t that be a huge middle finger in that shitty puppet’s face? Dressing up as a character from a film he hated and were the complete opposite of that bloody looney. A huge grin broke out on that thought. Besides, she enjoyed music to an extreme level this time around.

Humming to herself while assembling the outfit Koschei felt positively giddy.

Looking at herself in the mirror to see the end result. She could not stop herself from laughing. Oh, this was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She is up and running.


	10. Curse the monologues.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doctors pov:

The Doctors head was reeling. It had been months since he picked up what he had been sure was a survivor from Gallifrey. But now he did not know what to believe. 

Being alone with his memories were never good. They were always there. Lying in wait. Coming rushing out like a tsunami and trying to overwhelm him whenever they got the chance. Pushing everything he had ever done wrong to the front of his mind. Even the things he did long before the war.

They could show up at any time. Trapping him in torturous flashbacks that knocked him to the floor by raw emotion alone.

He could handle it somewhat in the beginning. The mental connection to ‘Aria’ and the massive damages he needed to fix on the TARDIS creating something real he could hold on to. A lifeline to keep him from drowning. 

But it did not last. As time trickled by, more and more of the damages became fixed. And the silence became louder and louder. The once screaming mental connection had become a mere whisper of how it had been in the beginning.

The mental connection. That was another thing he noticed. How the mental signature wasn’t quite right. It was in a constant state of flux. Subtly changing in small ways until it sounded almost completely different from how it was when he first met the woman.

Noticing how the telepathic connection was waning and changing did not help The Doctors mental health in the slightest.

Maybe… maybe it was just an illusion his brain had conjured up to help with the guilt. Maybe he had just met a gravely injured human or some other kind of humanoid being. Maybe his PTSD raddled mind (He was not so deep in denial as to not see the signs, thank you very much) hallucinated the signs of a Time Lady. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t been able to wake the poor woman. 

Maybe she was already dead. Maybe he was just shoving his vain hope on a corpse that should have been long since been buried six feet under.

At that gut churning thought he hastily stood up. He could not spend another minute alone.

Marching over to the console he hastily pushed in some random coordinates. He didn’t give a flipping damn over where he ended up.

He could not stand being there a second longer.  
…  
Well this was a bloody well thought out plan.

The Doctor thought sarcastically to himself.

After wandering aimlessly from planet to planet for who knows how long (He certainly did not give a stinking rat’s arse… and he wasn’t even sure he had the mental capacity to notice even if he did). He (of course) ended up smack bang in the centre of trouble. 

Like he would not end up at gun (Is that even a gun? Some form of long-range weapon anyway) point at some point of time if he left the TARDIS.

What was the bastard’s dastardly evil scheme again? Or whatever the bloomin hell is going on?

The Doctor thought tiredly to himself. While looking at what looked to be a mix between some form of reptile and an ape. Or was it a gorilla? Nope, an ape no gorilla is that scrawny looking. He was sure he knew what species it was, but he did not have enough motivation or energy to actually think about it. 

When was the last time I slept anyway? Oh fantastic, I don’t even know anymore! 

Anyway, whatever it was were pointing a…weapon at him while going on about how he had uncovered whatever nasty little scheme he was doing.

Honestly, I was minding my own business for crying out loud. Not my fault your stupid little brain could not come up with a better place to hide… whatever it is your hair brained scheme is.

The Doctor thought with no small hint of annoyance. Looking at the weapon threatening to end his existence (Ha! Like he wouldn’t regenerate) The Doctor wondered.

Why aren’t I trying to get away from this again? It’s just some imbecilic crocodile ape with… (I don’t have the energy for this) a gun. 

Sighing tiredly for what seemed like the thousand time that day alone The Doctor thought.

Well why should I try to get away?! I have already sabotaged the plot of the day and it’s not like I don’t deserve to kick the can! I should have died in the Time War with the rest of Gallifrey! I should have BURNED!!!

This was not the right point in time to have an existential crisis. As in having a crisis on whether or not to continue to be in existence, but he was too far gone in his own mind at this point to even care. 

And in all this time where The Doctor stood in a daze would you guess what the villain of the day was doing? Take two guesses. You got it right the first time. That’s right folks, the oblivious fool has been MONOLOGING THE WHOLE TIME!!!!

It’s been over ten minutes since he caught The Doctor leaving his ultra-secret hideout after he was done neutralizing his wicked scheme. Not like he had even noticed he had caught him too late.  
The arrogant sod had been crooning about his wicked little scheme, apparently intending to explain the whole thing before killing him. He hadn’t even noticed his speech were falling on deaf ears…

Oh, seems like he’s finally done.

Croc man raised his weapon higher. Opening his mouth intending to say something cliché like ‘Say goodbye sucker’ or some other stereotypical bad guy line, but he got only so far as to say “Say” before he was (Thank the lord above) interrupted.

The interruption also snapped The Doctor out of his downward spiral of suicidal thoughts.

“Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”

Why are somebody singin?

The Doctor thought baffled.

“The medicine go doown, the medicine go down”

Wait, where had he heard that voice before? No, it couldn’t be!

“In the most delightful way!”

Dancing into the room somebody dressed like Mary Poppins made a flamboyant entrance at the last note.

Looking at the newest addition to the party (of two now three) The Doctor could not help looking at her in shock.

‘Aria’ looked over at The Doctor giving him a smirk before saying.

“Close your mouth dear, we are not a codfish”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think this is my favourite chapter so far. This took me ages by the way. Trying to get in the right mindset to portray PTSD and suicidal thoughts ain’t easy. Hope you have fun reading this! Bye!


	11. Found you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy(Mary) pov:

Mary was having the time of her life, walking with a spring in her step down a metal corridor twirling her umbrella. She had no idea where the sodden hell she was and with her brain at an approximately 0.654 percent capacity she did not have the energy to waste to find out. It had originally been higher, but she needed to boost her mental feelers. This also meant that she was feeling overall whoozy in the noggin. 

Everything felt like it was covered in a thick mist. And she knew she had forgotten something… actually a lot of somethings (what even was her name? Not the one she wasn’t supposed to say, the one she could say. Eh, Mary would do for now), but she frankly did not give a rat’s arse! 

She didn’t really remember why, but she did know she was happy. That it had been lifetimes since she had felt this kind of pure happiness. She was so happy she was practically skipping down the metal corridor on her way to her destination. Besides she knew she hadn’t forgotten the most important thing.

She remembered she had a best friend. That this best friend was the most important person to her in her life. Not to mention her favourite person in the multiverse! And most importantly that it was him she was looking for at the moment. Not too hard, she just had to follow the signal.

She could still not stop smiling and she could still not quite remember what she was so happy about. Oh, that’s right! It had something to do with Mary Poppins! At that thought she started humming one of the songs from the movie. 

A positively wicked grin started forming when her foggy head cleared up enough for her to imagine the face that sodding puppet would have made if he had seen her. She couldn’t quite remember who the puppet man was, but she knew she couldn’t stand the man. And that the bloody bastard was gone! Oh, that’s right! That’s why she was so happy. Full on singing now with a huge smile on her face, Mary started dancing. This was the best day ever! 

Completely lost in song she didn’t even notice when the corridor ended and she entered a big circular room. Ending ‘A spoonful of sugar’ with a big finish. Mary noticed Theta looking at her flabbergasted. 

Oh, this was perfect! Mary thought with a smirk forming.

“Close your mouth dear, we are not a codfish”

Mary said. Barely containing her laughter. Still looking majorly surprised Theta closed his mouth. That did it. Mary broke down in laughter.

“Hah hah hah. Oh, darling. You should’ve seen your face!”

Mary managed to get out between her bouts of laughter. 

“What is this!”

A voice growled behind her. Stopping up mid laughter Mary looked over her shoulder. Seeing the dark green scales, the razor-sharp teeth, the thick green tail and the gun in the creature’s hand. Mary looked back at her best friend with an open-mouthed expression of pleasant surprise. Not so different as to a kid on Christmas. She pointed behind her and said.

“Theta! Have you seen that? It’s an Apoc! Oh, I’ve never seen an Apoc before!”

Mary said in joy. Skipping over to the Apoc that looked like it had no clue as to how it should react. Ignoring The Doctors outstretched hand. Mary stopped in front of the hulking creature looking it over while leaning on her umbrella. Looking over at Theta again (what was the bloody name he had chosen?) Mary said excitedly.

“Do you remember that class at The Academy when they taught about these blighters?”

Looking nervously between her and the Apoc Theta answered.

“Um, not really? Aria maybe you should move away from the… Apoc holding a… gun?”

Looking confused Mary asked Theta.

“Who’s Aria?”

Oh, dear Theta looked a bit… what’s the word? Worried? Yes, worried now. Tilting her head, Mary wondered what was wrong. Theta answered haltingly.

“Um, it’s what you told me to call you… Remember?”

Raising her eyebrows in surprise Mary asked.

“Did I?”

Looking away with furrowed eyebrows for a minute. Mary tried to recall when she had said that.

“Stop ignoring me!”

The Apoc (why should she care what the things bloody name was) shouted at the top of his lungs while waving his gun around as if to make it clear that he was the one with a weapon. Apparently, it had been trying to get a word in only to be ignored by the other occupants of the room. Rudely breaking her contemplation while he was at it.

Scowling at the Apoc Mary said.

“You know what. I don’t like you.”

Before giving it a hard poke with the tip of her umbrella. Mary started walking towards Theta fuming at the sheer rudeness. Honestly, the nerve. She had enough problems recalling things without any Apoc’s shouting in her ear. Trying to remember what in the blazes it had been she had been discussing with her friend before the interruption. Completely not noticing the shocked look Theta sent her way.

“How’d you do that?”

Looking at her best friend in confusion Mary asked.

“Do what?”

Pointing behind her at the now unconscious Apoc. Wait an Apoc! Looking excitedly back at her friend Mary pointed and exclaimed.

“Theta! Have you seen that? It’s an Apoc! I’ve never seen an Apoc before!”

Why does Theta look… what’s the word? Worried? Yes, worried. Why does he look worried?

“Um… Aria? You’ve already said that.”

Really? Mary thought. When did I say that? Wait a minute Aria?

“Have I? Can’t recall. By the way who’s Aria?”

Now he was looking at her like he wasn’t sure what to say. Mary wondered if she should say something.

“Anyhow, would you mind telling me why the Apoc’s unconscious? Did somebody poke one of those nifty pressure points they have?”

Wetting his lips Theta asked slowly.

“…Pressure points?” 

Giving him a beaming smile Mary said.

“Yeah. Don’t you remember that class where they taught us about the different lifeforms of the universe? One of ‘em was about Apocs and how to quickly take them down. I think?”

Tilting her head Mary tried to remember if she had studied further on her own or not.

“Umm… Aria?”

Looking up she noticed Theta was closer now. Hand resting on her shoulder. Huh, when did that happen? Wait a minute Aria?

“Who’s Aria?”

Mary asked. Ignoring the slight feeling of déjà vu.

Sighing Theta said.

“It’s what you told me to call you. Remember?”

“Did I”

Mary asked in confusion. Stroking her chin in contemplation Mary answered.

“Aria? Humm… not a bad name, but it doesn’t really feel like me. How about… Mary call me Mary!”

Mary told Theta with a big grin.

Receiving a sort of placating smile in return.

“Alright that’s… fantastic. Mary?”

Theta asked questionably. Receiving a huge grin and an eager nod. Theta continued.

“Mind tellin’ me how you got here… Mary? Last I checked you were unconscious in the TARDIS.” 

Got here? What sort of obvious question was that?

“I walked. I was following the… wait, wait, wait.”

Hang on for just a second. Pacing back and forth and muttering with her hands to her head. Mary tried to remember.

Looking at her with his arms half-raised Theta looked at her worriedly. Opening his mouth as if to say something. Mary made a shushing gesture.

“Pardon me for just one second. I’ve forgotten something important. Almost got it. It’s staring me right in the face.”

Suddenly freezing up mid-step Mary dropped her umbrella and turned to look at Theta. Taking a step backwards under her scrutiny. He started looking at her with uncertainty in his eyes. But none of that mattered. She remembered now. Face melting into a smile filled to the brim with happiness. Mary walked over to her best friend.

“Now I remember.”

She said happily. And she was happy, even happier than earlier. Reaching out she laid her hands on each side of Thetas face. Stroking his cheeks tenderly she looked into his surprised eyes and said.

“I found you.”

Suddenly throwing her hands in the air Mary exclaimed.

“That means I can turn on my brain!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter I’ve written so far. Gotta say that this was a fun one to write.


	12. Laughing with a familiar stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doctors pov:

The Doctors mind was reeling. He just stood there wide eyed still trying to believe in what his brain were registering from his optic nerves. That the woman standing in front of him with her eyes shut holding two fingers to her temples was really there. She was finally awake. The Time Lady, Ari… Mary? Had regained consciousness. 

Aria (Mary?) as she had named herself had literally just danced into the room where he was being held at gun (or whatever the sodden hell one would call the monstrosity) point by what she so helpfully declared an Apoc. Singing at the top of her lungs and dressed like Mary Poppins herself. Setting both him and the villain of the day off kilter in the process.

They had been in an ‘epic showdown between good and evil’. Singing women dancing into the room did not belong in an ‘epic showdown between good and evil’. At least that was what croc-apes face was screaming.

Before proceeding to prance over to the still gaping villain-cliché of the day and incapacitating him with a poke from her umbrella.

And he had just been standing nailed to his spot throughout the whole ordeal! Honestly, he had barely managed to get his vocal cords to function. That’s how bloody shocked he was!

Seeing the woman, he had started to suspect were either an hallucination of his guilt-ridden mind, dead or would never wake up from her coma does that to you. He felt like laughing and crying at the same time, but he was still too shocked.

It did not help that she really knew how to make the poor Time Lord worry. The way they had been talking in circles and her rapid mood swings really made it seem like she was even worse off than before she shut down. And then she had… what in Rassilons name had THAT been?! The Doctor tried to supress the small blush developing at the thought.

Honestly, he was a (wait… how old was he again? Blimey had he lost count again? Ugh, never mind let’s go with…900? Why not?) 900-year-old Time Lord who had recently been in a war that ended in a genocidal massacre. He should not be blushing over somebody touching his face and telling him they found him. 

It’s just… the sheer care she showed when she did it. Like he was the most important thing in the universe to her in that moment. He honestly could not remember the last time, (if there even was a last time) anyone had ever looked at him like that. It was even more off putting considering that he had felt like a monster, a somewhat suicidal one at that moments before she had walked in…

Then she had suddenly started prattling on about turning on her brain.

Focusing back on the present The Doctor looked at the newly named Mary as her eyes snapped open. Instantly focusing on him she looked at him with a huge smile and said.

“There you are!”

Before tackling him into a hug. After a few seconds he hugged her back stiffly. He had not been expecting that. He should have, considering she did the same thing last time they met. But his inner pessimism had been screaming that she would hate him after she had fully recovered from her regeneration. Guess not. Well at least they didn’t fall over this time.

Moving away after a while she looked at him with a brilliant smile before saying.

“Ah. Much better. So, what were we discussing again?”

That was a good question. Letting out a half choked laugh he answered.

“I have honestly forgotten myself. I think we just ended up talking in circles at the end there.”

Looking at her inquiringly he hoped she would tell him what on earth had been going on when she had arrived.

“Yeah, that was kind of on you that one. I couldn’t find you when I awoke in the TARDIS.”

She answered while looking around herself like she was seeing it for the first time. Eyes falling on the Apoc that was still down for the counting she pointed at him and said.

“Oh, sorry ‘bout himself over there. You weren’t discussing anything important, were you?”

Letting out a startled laugh (and wasn’t that a shocker, he could not remember the last time he had laughed) The Doctor said.

“That would be my adversary of the day. He was doing a mediocre job at best anyway. Didn’t even notice that I had already neutralized his little scheme.”

Laughing along with him she quipped.

“So not a lot of intelligent conversation going on before I arrived then?”

Giving her a genuine smile, The Doctor responded.

“None at all.”

Smiling back, she said.  
“Guess it was a good thing I knocked it out with my umbrella then? Oh, by the way. What do you think?”

She said while gesturing to her outfit. Looking her over The Doctor asked genuinely curious.

“Did you mean to dress like Mary Poppins?”

Smiling she said.

“Yes.”

Nodding to himself The Doctor said stone-faced.

“Then you look fantastic. Absolutely perfectly perfect in every way.”

Looking at each other the both burst out laughing simultaneously. It was just so easy to laugh with her. He didn’t really know why, it just was. And there was that feeling of familiarity again. He could swear he knew her. He just could not remember from WHERE.

Smacking his shoulder lightly to get his attention after somewhat recovering from their earlier laughter she managed to force out.

“He, Hey. Do you want to know why I went with Mary Poppins?”

She looked at him while trying to supress a smile. 

“Why?”

The Doctor asked with a mixture of indulging and genuine curiosity.

“Cause Mister Puppet had to watch the Movie with his missus and he absolutely hated it!”

The Doctor had mixed feelings at the answer, but looking at the familiar stranger in front of him he still ended up bursting into laughter along with her. Finding out whoever this Mister Puppet was could wait. Finding out who she was could wait. It could all wait. Because in the first time in forever he was laughing. For the first time in so long… He didn’t feel alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapters up! Hope you like it.


	13. Broken headed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy pov:

Skipping beside Theta (wait no.) The Doctor (have to remember that) on the way back to the TARDIS Mary couldn’t keep the grin off her face. Humming a happy little tune. Sending her a sideways glance  
The Doctor commented.

“You’re a chipper one aren’t you.”

Looking over at her best friend with a smirk Mary asked.

“Is that a bad thing?”

Holding his hands up defensively The Doctor said.

“No!”

Sighing The Doctor scratched his head before continuing.

“Just don’t see a lot to be all happy bout s’all.”

Stopping up on their walk. Mary recalled what they had discussed before she had shut down.

“Oh, that’s right.”

Seeing her friend stop walking and look at her quizzingly she couldn’t believe she had forgotten. (Well, not really. With her head being all wonky and not-working-properly-ish. You really shouldn’t blame her for forgetting things. Never mind. Not the point, but still. Stop it. Need to keep on track.)

“That nasty Time War business.”

Seeing her friend recoil like he was expecting a blow. Mary sighted. Burying the smarting feelings of hurt at how little faith he had in her earlier words. (Who could blame him really? After all the times I’ve double crossed him or straight up tried to murder him… Can’t say I remember those times myself, but I’m pretty sure they happened nevertheless. He remembers them anyway. Oh, never-mind not the time to contemplate the mess that is my head.)

Mary laid her hands on his shoulders in an attempt of reassurance (Is this how you do it? This is not something I can recall having done a lot!) and tried speaking in a soothing tone (when have I ever been soothing?!)

“Doctor you do recall I told you I forgive you?”

Not really looking at her The Doctor nodded. Looking a little less tense that before. Giving him a little smile. Mary continued.

“Well I stand by that.”

Pulling back a bit. Mary said.

“Besides I see a lot of things to be happy about.”

With a big grin. Sending her a look The Doctor asked.

“Like what?”

“Well.”

Mary said. Dancing around while they resumed their walk.

“I’m alive, you’re alive. I’m the only one in the pilot seat inside my head, you’re here and OH!”

Mary said before stopping up in front of The Doctor. Pulling him into a hug. Pulling away after a long while Mary exclaimed with a huge smile.

“I can hug you without any homicidal urges cropping up to tell me to stab you in the back!”

Looking at tad bit shell-shocked The Doctor let out an incredulous laugh. Sending him a big smile in return before softening (huh, didn’t know I could be soft) into a more tender (or tender for that matter) smile. Mary said.

“Might not seem big compared to the whole planetary destruction, but there’s not really anything we can do about that can we?”

Closing his eyes to hide his hurt The Doctor nodded. Taking his hand Mary continued.

“I’ve got my own demons to work through. No doubt about that. Not really much I can do about those either.”

(Master… Monster… one, two, three, four… every day of my life… one, two, three, four… you made me… one, two, three, four… blood and death… so many deaths) Tightening her grip on his hand with a shaking breath. Mary proposed with a brittle smile.

“So… we live in the now! One day at a time!”

Feeling The Doctor squeeze back with a similar fragile smile. The Doctor responded.

“That… that sounds like a good enough plan Aria.”

Recovering from her earlier sombre mood Mary said. 

“Oi! I told you to call me Mary!”

And gave his shoulder a smack. Letting out a low laugh at her indignant response. The Doctor asked with an eyeroll.

“What is with the bloody ape names anyway? Aria is borderline, but Mary is clearly a human name.”

Scoffing Mary said.

“Like I’m going to pick out a proper name now.”

Looking at her with raised eyebrows The Doctor asked.

“Whot’s that supposed to mean?”

Sighing Mary said.

“I am not going to pick a name that defines who I am when I don’t know who I am.”

“Whot?” 

And the eyebrows rose up another level. Blimey, was this so hard to understand? Giving it another go Mary said.

“Until I have fixed it my Time Lord name might as well be The Broken or The Under Construction. I’m not going to seriously contemplate my name until I’ve fixed it.”

Grabbing her shoulder, The Doctor asked with a cocktail mix made out of concern and utter confusion.

“Hang on. Fixed what?”

Looking at her best friend sensing the confusion. Mary realized.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you?”

Seeing the TARDIS up ahead Mary walked towards it. Looking over her shoulder Mary said.

“My head’s broken.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s a wrap for now. Hope you liked it.


	14. Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doctor pov:

The Doctor once again felt like a hurricane had struck. Seeing the Time Lady (Aria? Mary? What’s next? Gertrude?) up and about was wonderful no doubt. But she also kept stirring up his emotions and dragging them all willy-nilly.

Speeding up The Doctor went into the TARDIS after… (fine let’s just go with bloody Mary for now) Mary.

“Hang on”

The Doctor said. Grabbing her shoulders. Doing his best to keep his hands from shaking.

“How do you mean broken?”

Looking at him with surprise Mary answered.

“Oh, come on now darling.”

Looking at him incredulously she rolled her eyes.

“You can’t expect me to be all fine and dandy after having that stupid parasite-signal in my head for so long.”

Parasite-Signal? The Doctor wanted to go grab his fourth self and shake him furiously. That or strangle him with that buggering scarf of his util he told him what in Rassilons name had he gone and forgotten?

This seems like something he really ought to have remembered.

“Right…”

The Doctor said trying to hide his mounting frustration on his lack of memories. 

“Still. I’m looking from an outside perspective here.”

Nodding in understanding Mary gave him a look that screamed okay what’s your point. Giving her a look, The Doctor asked.

“Do you mind explainin’ what happened in your head with the signal gone?”

Shrugging her shoulders Mary said.

“Eh, why not.”

Waving her hands in the air she started explaining.

“In the beginning there was me. Then it became me and the signal. The signal was basically a puppeteer put in my head by the puppet master. You know who that is.”

Mary bumped his shoulder. Not noticing how he froze at the word ‘Master’ before carrying on.

“Now a puppeteer being you know a puppeteer obviously needs a puppet. Seeing I was not a puppet that obeying every pull from the puppeteer’s string, they needed to make a puppet. It was a long grueling process considering I fought back for a long while. Quite proud of that actually.”

She said with a humorless smirk. Sighing she continued.

“In the end there was the puppeteer, the puppet and what was left of me. Now there’s just me. Me and the broken pieces of the puppet.”

Giving out a humorless laugh she said. Seemingly not noticing the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Or… maybe I’m mistaken, maybe all that’s left is a broken puppet. Trying to piece itself together believing it’s a real boy or you know…”

She gestured to herself.

“Girl.”

She was full on crying now. Hugging herself as if to keep herself from falling apart.

Reaching out The Doctor gathered her up into a hug. He might not be the most tactile one this time around, but blast it he was not going to let that stop him.

Breathing shakingly, The Doctor said lowly.

“You seem real enough to me if that helps.”

Letting out a chocked laugh that sounded more like a sob. Mary said tearfully.

“Thank you.”

Calming down a bit she managed to force out.

“Sorry. I didn’t… didn’t realize I’d get this emotional. Can… can we stay like this for a bit?”

Letting out a low chuckle The Doctor said.

“No problem.”

Tightening his grip, The Doctor realized. He didn’t know when it happened. He had started crying too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… This became a rather sad one. Can’t always be happy or funny, I guess. Hope you liked it anyway.


	15. Broken together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy (Mary) pov:

After a long while Mary stopped crying and pulled back from the hug with a rising feeling of embarrassment. Sniffling Mary said.

“Scuse me. Think my brain situation has left me a tad unbalanced in the emotional parts.”

While trying to ignore her cheeks that where gradually turning redder. Looking away from The Doctor in embarrassment. 

Honestly, she was… she couldn’t remember how old she was, but nevertheless she was old enough not to just suddenly start bawling her eyes out. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d cried.  
Then again there were a lot of stuff she couldn’t remember so maybe she shouldn’t base things off of memories.

Hang on… Never mind. She hated who she had been in the memories. She couldn’t recall much, but she did know she had been a blasted puppet with megalomaniacal and a dash of homicidal tendencies. 

If she wanted to cry in front of her best friend, she would damn well cry in front of her best friend. Screw whatever past her would say. She wasn’t past her anymore and she would do whatever she damn well pleased.

After concluding this in her head the reddening in her cheeks died down. Sending The Doctor a glance she noticed he had been crying as well.

See? Completely fine to cry in front of somebody you… care for (definitely not that word. Nope. No word in any language meaning THAT in sight here).

Drying his eyes, The Doctor replied.

“Heh. No worries. Feeling a bit emotionally unbalanced myself actually.”

Oh… that’s right. He had been through a lot himself. Leaning her head to the side Mary said slowly in contemplation.

“Huh, guess you could say you are broken in a way too.”

The Doctor nodded sombrely. Feeling a wave of joy at the confirmation. Mary clapped her hands together with a huge grin and exclaimed.

“Well isn’t that marvellous. We can be broken together!”

The Doctor let out a surprised laugh at her statement. Seemingly not knowing how to react.

“Um… not getting what to be all chipper about again.”

Oh, her dear Doctor were missing the point. Skipping over to The Doctor Mary grabbed him by the shoulders and looked at him. With the smile never faltering Mary rolled her eyes and said.

“Come on now dear. Think about it. Better to be broken together than broken alone.”

The Doctor looked away at her statement. Raising her hand to his chin Mary made him look back at her. Sending feelings of tenderness and reassurance through her eyes (well, at least trying to. I have honestly little to no idea as to how one does things like this. It’s so much easier when your telepathical circuits aren’t all jammed up by broken pieces of memories.)

Mary continued.

“How about we make a deal?”

The Doctor sent her an expression that clearly said ‘go on’ (blimey, he’s quiet this go around). 

“Okay, how about you do your best to fix yourself and I do my best to fix myself and we both try to help the other fix themselves on the way?”

Seeing the surprised look, he gained at her statement Mary took a step back, poked him in the stomach and said teasingly.

“What’s with the surprise? One cannot simply stay broken forever. Where would the fun in that be? I know Katie Wellson or whatever that apes name is has that song Broken & Beautiful, but I don’t think she meant broken as in our type of broken.”

Sending her an incredulous look The Doctor said, corners of his mouth rising into a semblance of a smile.

“Katie Wellson?”

Sending him a smile back Mary said.

“What? Not right?”

“No… you are spot on.”

The Doctor said sarcastically. Not able to hide the grin anymore The Doctor continued.

“Kelly Clackson is indeed the one with the song Broken & Beautiful.”

Giving him a light smack on the arm in good humour Mary exclaimed.

“Oi. Cut me some slack. I’m not as obsessed with those blooming primates as you are. Besides, need I remind you that my head is broken?”

“Yeah. Bout that.”

The Doctor said.

“You still haven’t really explained why your head’s broken.”

Stilling Mary tried to remember how far she had gotten before her emotions decided to dip down in the negatives. Whoops.

“Oh. You’re right.”

Clapping her hands together Mary explained.

“Well anyhow. To summarize you know our mind palaces?”

Looking at The Doctor inquiringly she got a nod in confirmation Mary continued.

“Well, when the puppet was in charge the puppet was the one to build the mind palace in my head. Thing is when the puppet broke so did everything it built in the mind palace. So now I have a giant puzzle that lies in pieces in a big heap in my head messing up the place, that I have to put together.”

Mary said exasperated. 

“Honestly, over 90% of my mind looks like one big garbage dump.”

Looking at her The Doctor opened his mouth as if to say something, but he didn’t get the time to say it.

Because Mary remembered something. She wasn’t sure if it was important or not, but weren’t this something one should in general have the common curtesy to inquire about?

“Speaking of memories. I just remembered.”

Mary said contemplatively.

Maybe it’s better to say Mary remembered someone.

Looking over at The Doctor, Mary asked.

“Have you seen my wife?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: Well here ya go. Here’s another one. By the way just something I would like to say seeing disclaimers in other fanfiction stories about ownership. It is highly unlikely to find fanfiction stories written by the ones who owns/created the original source material. Honestly, if you expected to find a 100% original story with a 100% concept you should not be looking at fanfiction web-sides. That is all.


	16. Where's my wife?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor's pov:

Wife?

The Doctor thought surprised. Staring at what was most definitely the strangest Time Lady he had ever encountered. The Time Lady who was now looking around the TARDIS’s console room as if her wife would suddenly pop into existence.

Hesitantly The Doctor asked confused (seems like that was going to be a permanent thing when it came to this lady).

“Your wife?”

Looking back at him with furrowed eyebrows, the Time Lady currently going by Mary said sarcastically.

“No. My six-foot tall tarantula. Yes. My wife. Have you seen her?”

Oh dear. Apparently, he knew her wife as well. Considering once again if he should just fess up and tell her he didn’t remember her The Doctor decided to wait. She was clearly not mentally stable at the moment (OVER 90%!!!). Who knows how she would take knowing that someone she… trusted (is that the right word?) did not even know who she was.

Besides… he really did not want to be alone. He was rubbish on his own. Now even more so. The Doctor decided to wait until she was more stable (hang on… huh seems like she’s staying. Didn’t ask her but… know what? I don’t mind)

Clearing his throat awkwardly The Doctor replied.

“Um… Don’t believe I have. No. What was her name again?”

Seeing her look at him with a raised eyebrow did not help settle the awkwardness he was currently trying to hide. Mary said with a hint of frustration.

“Come on now. Do you not remember Sally Scissorhands? Wait… Hang on.”

Looking away with furrowed eyebrows and a finger raised in the air. Mary said.

“Scuse’ me. That’s not right. I meant Molly Backpack. Wait. No.”

Pinching the bridge of her nose in clear frustration she tried again.

“Susan Saxophone? No. Um… L… Lu… Lucinda Cutter! NO!! Argh.”

Mary started pacing.

“Blimey I can’t remember the name of my own wife. Can’t really say I remember much of her, but I should still have the common curtesy of at least remembering her name!”

She exclaimed in frustration.

Throwing her hands up in defeat she looked over at The Doctor.

“Anyhow. Do you know what happened to her? I can’t remember if she died or not.”

Letting out a forced laugh The Doctor scratched his ear and said.

“Um… Pretty sure everyone died…” 

Letting out a hum her eyes gained a faraway look.

“You know what? Just as well that. She would probably just try to kill me again anyway.”

Noticing the shocked look he gained (it might become permanent at some point at this rate) at her statement she cringed and said.

“Yeah. A successful marriage I had not. Pretty sure you could say it went down in flames.”

Stopping up she furrowed her eyebrows and said.

“Wait. No. Sorry wrong death. Pretty sure she didn’t set me on fire.”

She looked away a moment looking lost in thought. Looking back his way she said.

“Oh! Now I remember. I think… she poisoned me. No. Wait. Shot me. No. Sorry my mistake. Poisoned me. Or it could be she stabbed me in the back”

Tilting her head one could almost hear her thinking. Snapping back from her contemplation she looked at him and asked.

“I’m sorry what where we talking about again?”

The Doctor wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at her clear display of mental health issues. That and you know the fact that the way she had been describing her life so far was not exactly anything good. More like the opposite. The direct opposite. As opposite as opposite could go (parasite, broken head, OVER 90%!!! And now this).

Oh great. He wasn’t much of a touchy-feely guy this go around, but he STILL wanted to just wrap the poor woman in a hug and never let go. She had been through so much. And he had a feeling he had just barely scratched the surface. 

That she was so bloody happy and smiley was a Rassilon blessed miracle.

The Doctor gave a forced smile and answered.

“Nothing much. Just chattin’ bout how your wife murdered you.”

Looking at him with confusion Mary replied.

“Really? Hm… well never mind that.”

Marching over to him Mary grabbed the lapel of his shirt and said.

“You. Stop it.”

And he was back to the land of confusion.

“With what?”

Scowling Mary said.

“The forced smiling. I don’t like it.”

Looking at her with raised eyebrows The Doctor asked.

“Why.”

The scowl shifted into what could almost be described as a pout (don’t tell her that though. She’d be embarrassed. Or furious. Probably both).

“Because I like your real smiles.”

The announcement made The Doctor smile in surprise. Not a big one mind you, but still noticeable. And wouldn’t you know it miss-i-don’t-know-who-I-am noticed.

“There you go.”

Mary said with a huge grin on display.

“A you-smile!”

The Doctor let out a low laugh at her weird statement. Getting an even wider grin in return.

Suddenly the grin vanished. A growling sound filled the air. Looking downwards Mary said.

“You know I should probably eat something.”

The Doctor couldn’t keep himself from bursting into laughter.

Letting out an indignant.

“OI!”

Mary started running after The Doctor. Chasing him all the way to the TARDIS kitchen.

He had no idea how this would turn out, but her just being here with him. No matter how broken she was. No matter how broken he was. Just made everything seem a tad brighter. A tad less hopeless. And right now… Right now, that was enough for The Doctor. The Doctor smiled. Yeah, it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: Well… I’ve written this. Hope you like it. Let me know what you think would you? Btw probably going to make a time skip in the next chapter.


	17. That's my sandwich!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy (Mary) pov:

“You know. Considering the circumstances. You should probably have gone for something other than a white dress in the clothing department.”

The Doctor told her teasingly as they ran from their pursuers. Mary considered the frilly white dress she had been wearing since she woke up a few months ago. 

On one hand she still couldn’t help imagining the pure look of horror all her past selves would make at the sight of her. Like they had been forced to eat a lemon a chemically enhanced to be even more sour. 

Especially the one right before her who would recognize the dress from his least favorite scene in a movie he despised (cartoony penguins and that stupid nonsensical song about a stupid nonsensical word of all things). Oh, the mere thought made her smile.

On the other hand… white and frilly didn’t really feel like… well… whoever she was supposed to be. Too girly and innocent. 

Perhaps she should choose a different Mary Poppins outfit (one particular from the reboot she had watched in The TARDIS’s media room came to mind). One that weren’t so… conspicuous. And highly inconvenient when one was trying to escape ones pursers with a malfunctioning perception filter.

Yet another thing The Doctor hadn’t gotten around to fixing yet and she weren’t able to recall how to fix at this current point in time. Mary felt as another crack formed in her mental barriers around the chaos that were her still unsorted memories as The Master. 

Mentally rolling her eyes in irritation Mary focused a higher percentage of her mental focus on keeping her memories at bay until they reached The TARDIS and she could excuse herself off to bed. 

She really needed to expand her mentality-maintenance-and-reparational-naptimes, but then she would have less spending-time-with-her-best-friend-time. And she had already missed out on so many of those times.

Oh great. The mongrels have pulled out the guns. 

“Watch it.”

She exclaimed, pulling The Doctor to the side in the nick of time before he got hit by one of the shots. Mary sent The Doctor a look and said with a hint of sarcasm.

“Remind me to consider your fashion advice when we are not in a coral-forest being pursued by gun toting man-crabs.”

Despite the circumstances the two of them couldn’t help the smiles growing on their faces as they kept on running. The reason they were being pursued in the first place was due to quite the ridiculous circumstances involving a starfish, a pineapple, a sponge and one humongous banana-cream pie. 

And… there just might have also been her singing the opening song from Spongebob.

“You know. I don’t believe they are Spongebob-fans.”

Mary said teasingly to The Doctor as they hid behind one of the corals. That was all it took to make them both break down in laughter. Which was not so good considering they were supposed to be hiding.

“There they are!”

And at that The Doctor grabbed her hand as they (still laughing mind you) ran the last stretch to The TARDIS. Slamming the doors shut The Doctor ran over to the console and steered The TARDIS into the time vortex (Mary was banned from driving excluding emergencies in light of her spotty memories).

Mary couldn’t keep the grin of her face. These past few months with The Doctor were in so many ways like a dream come true. She was for the first time in so long the only one in control of her mind.  
Nothing noisily pushing or pressing her in whatever direction of their choosing. Nothing she had to push or press back against to try if not stop then at least set back. Nothing she had to fight for control.  
She was the one in control with no backseat drivers trying to trap her in the car trunk and take her place as the one at the steering wheel.

And now. Now she was with her first and best friend doing what they had wanted to do since they were Time Tots. Traveling the universe. Seeing the stars. Together. Like they had promised each other so many years ago.

“Stop it!”

Mary looked over at The Doctor and asked.  
“Stop what?”

Looking back The Doctor asked confused.

“What?”

Mary asked again with furrowed eyebrows.

“You asked me to stop it. Stop what?”

Looking around in confusion The Doctor replied.

“No, I did not.”

And the confusion grew.

“Yes, you did. A second ago I heard you.”

“Regenerate!”

Mary flinched at his tone.

“No need to sound so cross and how do you mean regenerate? I’m not even unwell.”

Mary said defensively.

“Um… Mary? I did not say that either. Are you all right?”

The Doctor asked looking increasingly worried. Worried? What’s there to be worried about? Wait… what was he asking about that had him so worried? Mary wondered with a tilted head.

The Master couldn’t remember. Hang on. Hadn’t he just become the prime minister? That is a good thing, right? Oh, he should tell him, maybe he was worried about him winning the election.

Looking over at The Doctor with a grin he sauntered over and said.

“Guess what Doctor? I’m the pr…”

Professor Yana stopped up and tried to remember what he was about to say. Oh well. Couldn’t have been too important if it slipped his mind so easily. He really needed to get back to working on the Utopia project.

“…ary…Mary? Mary?!”

Snapping back to reality Professor Yana’s eyes focused on the leather clad man shaking his shoulder. Oh my. The dear fellow seemed rather worried about whomever this Mary was.

“I’m terribly sorry I don’t believe I’ve met whoever this Mary is.”

Which is rather odd considering how few people were left in existence. Speaking of.

“I say dear boy. Would you mind telling me who you are?”

Professor Yana looked around. This was not his laboratory.

“And where I am?”

The poor fellow looked a tad panicked before reeling it in and introducing himself.

“I’m… um… I’m The Doctor.”

“Doctor?”

Professor Yana asked delightedly.

“Are you here to assist me with the project?”

Professor Yana shook his head.

“Oh, silly me I haven’t even introduced myself.”

He reached his hand out intending to introduce himself as the professor in charge of the Utopia-project.

“I’m the professo…”

Did that wanker just eat his sandwich? The Masters face contorted in rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: Well, here we go. The misunderstandings deepen and Missy is now pissed over The Doctor stealing her sandwich in his third body during a swordfight. Hope you like it!


	18. Breakdowns. So many breakdowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctors pov:

(Flashback start)

**_The Doctor was running through the battlefield. Screams and the twisted voices shouting ‘Exterminate’ filling the air around him. The scent of fire and burning flesh in his every inhale. Everything around him was nothing else than a chaotic battle field with no end in sight. Suddenly it all fell silent. As he looked around… he noticed. He was the only one left._ **

**The Doctor woke up with a scream. He barely registered his surroundings. All he could focus on were the _sounds_ , the _scents_ , the constant _pain_ and how they were all _dead_. He had _killed_ them _all_. There was nothing _left_. Because of _him!_**

**The Doctor hadn’t even realized in his hazed condition that he had been walking (stumbling would be the more accurate) before he noticed the wall which were currently a few inches away from his nose.**

**Gritting his teeth, The Doctor hit the wall in pure rage. He hit it over and over not caring one bloody bit that his knuckles had started bleeding. Why couldn’t he had been a bit smarter? Think a bit faster? Maybe then he would have come up with a better solution.**

**He kept on hitting even as tears started streaming down his face. The punches slowed until The Doctor broke down completely. Sliding down the wall The Doctor sat on the floor in one of The TARDIS’s corridors.**

**The Doctor felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. Looking up he could see Mary (she had switched around a bit but always seemed to come back to that one so far) leaning over him with a worried face.**

**For a moment they just looked at one another in silence. This was not the first time it had happened and it would all probabilities considered not be the last time either of them had a breakdown in some form.**

**The Doctor was therefore not surprised in the least when she silently sat down next to him before pulling him into an embrace. Not saying a word, she started humming a comforting tune.**

**Always the same one. The Doctor hadn’t the slightest clue where the melody was from, but he nevertheless found it soothing. The Doctor felt the Time Lady’s mind lean against his in what would be the mental equivalent of a hug. Closing his eyes, he drifted off to sleep to the comforting melody and emotions.**

(Flashback end)

This was the memory along with many others of similar nature that flashed through The Doctors head as he dodged the attacks aimed at him by the currently enraged Time Lady. Who was in firm belief that he had apparently.

“Eaten my sandwich!!”

Yeah. Well, wasn’t this bloody fantastic? In all seriousness though. This was not good. She was getting buried in her memories. The Doctor could see her eyes steadily turning more unfocused by the minute.

Usually when this happened, she would just turn more forgetful and maybe slip into a memory before excusing herself off to bed, but this time.

This time The Doctor was steadily becoming more uncertain if she even remembered she needed to go do what she liked to call ‘maintenance on my brain’!

“That was my sandwich you imbecile!”

She shouted. Grabbing her head, she crouched down as her voice suddenly got a hysterical edge.

“It’s mine. To eat and eat and eat and eat.”

Alright, The Doctors worry had from this point on reached one of the critical levels. Mary suddenly stood up straight and bit out angrily with a stoic expression.

“Sit. Down.”

“Right then. That’s enough.”

The Doctor marched over to the memory confuzzled Time Lady intent on making mental contact to help her break out of her confused state.

Reaching out to the currently stoic looking Time Lady who was standing still as a statue staring at… something. That all changed as The Doctors hands rested on her temples as he tried to access her mind.

As soon as she registered the attempt, she shoved him violently away.

“NO!!”

She thundered. Eyes gaining a greater focus.

“This is MY MIND! I’m the only entity that supposed to be in MY MIND! I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND! Nobody else! No filthy little parasite. No Puppet. JUST! ME!”

She bit out through gritted teeth. Cradling her head. She started rapidly mumbling.

“One, two, three, four. The heartbeat of a Time Lord goes one, two, three, four.”

Over and over again on loop. Suddenly she snapped her head in his direction. Eyes gaining a greater focus as she looked at him. Then she seemed to notice. His worried, borderline panicked expression. Scrambling over to him her voice dropped down in a whisper.

“Shh. No emotions. Don’t feel any new emotions.”

Letting out a laughter with a manic edge she continued whispering.

“They will take them and twist them. Amplify or erase them. Until you can’t even remember what you were feeling in the first place. And then…”

Her voice shifted into song.

“Suddenly you lose your way and lose the thread.”

“Lose your cool and lose your head.”

Her body tilted from side to side as she continued singing.

“Every loss is harder to excuse.”

“Then you’ll see you lose your faith and lose your soul.”

She threw her arms up in the air as she sang.

“Till you lose complete control.”

“And realize there’s nothing left to lose”

She looked at him with a soul deep weariness in her eyes as she sang the last line softly.

“Nothing left to lose…”

“Will they ever stop?”

She asked him quietly as a single tear ran down her cheek. Dropping into a dead faint a second after.

Holding the now unconscious Time Lady close to his chest The Doctor wanted to cry. He had been absolutely useless. She had been drowning in her memories.

Painful memories at that and he might as well have been a cardboard cut-out or a bloody mannequin (not of the auton kind thank you very much).

The Doctor inhaled shakingly and tried to focus on what he could do. Put her to bed? Yes, putting her to bed seemed like a fantastic thing to do right about now. Alright, putting her to bed.

After he had tucked her in. The Doctor sat down on the jump-seat in the console room contemplating what she said while buried in her memories. There had been so much and he would not be forgetting any of it any time soon, but two things stood out.

So… if he had understood it right then her name was The Professor? Then there was the wording she had used as she screamed at him after he had tried to make telepathical contact…

Why did it always have to be him? The Doctor hid his face in his hands and wondered what in Rassilons name The Master had gone and done now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: New chapter. So… yeah that’s the angle I’m going for at the moment. The Doctor thinks The Master is connected, but not that Missy is The Master. Just letting you know. It’s gonna take a while until he suspects differently. Besides that. Hope you liked the new chapter! 
> 
> Oh, and about that melody Missy was humming during the flash back… I have decided on what song she would be humming on ages ago! You will get a cookie if you guess correctly which song I’ve picked. Btw. About the actual song in this chapter… Just thought ‘Nothing left to lose’ from the Tangled series was fitting.


	19. MY head!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

Finding herself back in her mindscape Koschei sighted frustratedly at the mess created by The Master’s memories. She had been doing so well! Alright. Perhaps she should have taken a tiny bit more time out of her day to restructure and maintain her head, but she had been having so much fun!

She had gotten back her best friend after spending hundreds of years antagonizing him for Christ sake! That’s not to say they did not have any bad days. Days where she hid away in one of The TARDIS’s many rooms crying or in the clutches of a panic attack. Sobbing out apologies only to recover and not have the faintest idea as to why it happened or who she had been apologizing to. 

Days where she would find Theta half-delirious, caught in a web of his negative emotions. Leaving her to just try her best to help him through it (on the plus side, it helped her figure out how the buggering hell one were supposed to be comforting).

Those days usually resulted in the two of them staying in the TARDIS. Not wanting to face the world. Theta would usually stay in the console room and tinker unless she decided to drag him into the media room where she would usually stay to watch a film (that or the music room or – on the days she had access to her technical knowledge – the lab where she had started modifying her umbrella). Not that he would usually agree with her choices. Considering she would usually go for either musicals or something childish and light-hearted and most of all… GIRLY!

He would usually sit there grumbling and criticize things like the logic.

_“Oh yes, fantastic. The more elaborate the dress the more powerful the girl. Cause that makes sense. Oh, you’ve completed the quest? Congratulations. The cosmic powers will now grant you magic or stronger magic and a makeover! How does that make sense?”_

The characters.

_“Why is that girl with the pigtails so flippin’ obsessed over shoes? And that other girl… why is she so fixated on that bloke? He’s got the brains and personality of a cardboard cut-out for Rassilons sake.”_

Or the overall storyline.

_“So, the evil-witch-lady kidnapped that guys daughter and made her into her servant because. What? He didn’t want to get together with her? Cause that makes perfectly logical sense. Oh, you don’t like me? Fine! I’m going to go steal your daughter now. And now she’s screwing with the daughters love interest, who I might add met cause of a reality bending paint brush that used to be a comb. And now the evil lady is attacking his family… What is she even trying to achieve here?!”_

While she just sat there laughing at his reactions and giving her own opinions. Which in return made him laugh as well until the both of them was laughing. The dark mood evaporating.

And then there were the good days. The days they went out and explored alien planets. Koschei smiled at the memory of one of the first planets they visited.

_It had been nighttime. The dark blue sky full stars. Purple grass and glowing white flowers as far as the eye could see. The only sign of life where an alien equivalent of fireflies with the only visual difference being the color of their lights as they gave off a blue glow. Mary couldn’t help smiling in amazement at the sheer beauty. Tears formed in her eyes. Feeling a hand on her shoulder she looked over at The Doctor._

_“Are you alright?”_

_He asked softly. Sending him a confused look Mary said._

_“Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”_

_The Doctor silently gestured to her tears. Wiping her tears away a tad embarrassed Mary replied._

_“Oh. Sorry. It’s nothing. It’s just…It has been so long since I’ve been able to just lay back and appreciate the beauty of the world around me.”_

_Giving an embarrassed smile Mary continued._

_“Can’t even remember the last time really.”_

_Pulling herself together she straightened her back and smiled._

_“Then again. There is plenty of things I can’t remember. Now then.”_

_The smile shifted into a smirk as she looked at him._

_“Can’t waste all our time on feeling sorry for myself. This place is beautiful. And in my opinion…”_

_She pulled out an ipod from the 34 th century of Earth (She had found it on of her wanderings in The TARDIS) and pressed play. An instrumental tune started playing._

_“The perfect place to dance.”_

_Letting out a giggle Mary grabbed the now slightly shellshocked looking Doctor’s arm and pulled him closer. Shaking himself out of his stupor The Doctor said haltingly._

_“Uh… I’m not… sure I am good at the whole… dancing thing this go around.”_

_“So?”_

_She said with a raised eyebrow._

_“We are doing it for the fun of it. I’m not going to bite your head off if you don’t do it right.”_

_Looking a tad more relaxed The Doctor gave her a short smile._

_“Why not then. Just don’t expect me to act like a Victorian gentleman after this. I haven’t had this body for long, but I know I am not the posh sort in this regeneration.”_

_Grinning mischievously, she shot back teasingly._

_“Darling, where you ever?”_

_The Doctor sent her a mock offended look before they both broke down laughing. Calming down they shifted into dancing positions and started dancing. It was awkward and far from perfect, but that didn’t matter to either of them. They still went back to The TARDIS with smiles on their faces. Bantering and joking the whole way._

Koschei smiled at the memories. In those moments it truly felt like they had gone back to being Time Tots. Like she never lost her sanity. Like Theta had never left her. Like they had never stopped being best friends.

Shaking herself out of her memories she moved through her mindscape determinedly. Grimacing as she was practically wading through The Master’s foul memories. She needed to get her head in a functional shape pronto.

Her best friend was going through a hard time. She couldn’t leave him alone! He was the only thing she had left. The only one who had kept on trying to reach her when she had so to say lost her marbles, all her marbles. Who even knows what sort of dangerous situations he would get tangled up in when she wasn’t around! Last time she had found him at gunpoint for heavens sake. She hadn’t exactly cared at the time and he could probably have gotten away on his own just fine, but still… she knew how reckless he could be and she just… She couldn’t lose him!

She needed to get head to work as soon as possible. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t clearly remember what she had done the day before anymore. It didn’t matter that the drums had kept parts of her mind from evolving past the mental age of an eight year old Time Tot. It didn’t matter that she would be functioning on under 2 percent brain capacity. It. Didn’t. Matter.

She could wait. She would get her head in order sooner or later. What mattered was Theta. Her best friend. She needed to be there for him. He had way too much going on to be bothered with her bloody messed up head! She could handle it on her own! She wasn’t some weak sniveling little human who needed someone to hold her hand through tough times.

She was a Time Lady! Not just any Time Lady either. She was The Mast…No! She refused to use that name! She refused to use any title until her head were on good and proper! But she did know that even if she had no inclination to be The Master of the universe, she was still going to be The Master of her own mind. It was her mind!

She would fix it! Nobody else. She didn’t want anybody but herself inside her head. Keeping her mental barriers from completely blocking The Doctor was a stretch already!

Arriving at the barrier she had made to block out The Masters memories Koschei glared at the huge crack practically splitting the barrier in half. It was this bloody crack’s fault she had a mental breakdown in front of Theta!

She did not want him to worry about her on top of everything else he was going through! Shaking off the anger Koschei started working on patching up the crack and shoving all the escaped memories back on the other side.

She needed to get back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: So… here’s the latest chapter! Hope you liked it! Merry Christmas and a happy new year and everything. Later.


	20. Stand tall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor’s pov:

The Doctor felt cold. Pulling his leather jacket closer around him he thought back on how the few weeks that had passed since the disastrous trip to Planktor 6. Since then, he had gone to bear witness to a variety of fixed points. Natural disasters, accidents, wars, you name it. He wasn’t sure why he had decided on doing this.

Perhaps it was to remind himself of all the things that were out of his control. That he couldn’t stop all the suffering and struggles in the universe. That everything dies. Everything ends. That or he was just punishing himself.

Punishing himself for destroying Gallifrey. And for failing her. That bumbling, forgetful, broken but oh, so brilliant Time Lady. That brilliant woman who did the best she could to piece him together in spite of how broken she was herself. Who’se eyes could switch from young and innocent to old and tired on the drop of a coin, but never lost the joy and wonder from seeing the world around her. Like in some way she was seeing it from the first time.

She who despite the fact he couldn’t remember squat about her. Despite that she couldn’t remember squat about anything. She who despite just… everything had become his best friend.

The Doctor did not have a single clue as to how that had happened. Something just sort of… clicked between the two of them. Like it was natural for the two of them to be thick as thieves. He didn’t know what it was. Maybe an effect from whatever he had forgotten. Like he recognized her somewhere in the back of his subconscious.

And he had basically just stood and watched as his best friend fell apart.

He should have known she wasn’t ready to visit a place inhabited with a larger amount of intelligent species. Should have known her mind could not handle the telepathic strain on top of everything else. He had mostly kept to uninhabited planets on their travels so far for that exact reason. That and that he himself had not felt ready in the slightest to be around anyone except her. And now she had gone right back into a healing coma.

The Doctor leaned back against the iceberg he was sitting on. Running a hand through his short-cropped hair, The Doctor once again wondered what was going to happen once the Time Lady (should he just keep calling her Mary to himself? Or were The Professor an option?) got her head on straight. Would she leave him once she was no longer broken? Would she still care about him? Would she look at him seeing him for monster the he was?

Growling in frustration The Doctor smacked the thoughts away. In the end that was her choice. Like he could do much about it by overthinking anyway.

Lifting his head, The Doctor looked up at the night sky. The family he had prevented from boarding flashed through his mind. The reminder lightened his dark mood a tad. He might not have been able to stop the sinking of the Titanic, but that did not mean he couldn’t save anyone.

That was who he was wasn’t it? Before the war. The Doctor. He frankly wasn’t sure he deserved the title after what he’d done, but that was the thing. The Doctor was who he wanted to be. His old voice rang in his head.

_“Never cruel or cowardly. Never give up. Never give in.”_

The Doctor stood up. His eyes that never left the stars gained a determined glint. He was not going to give up now. Yes, he acknowledged that he was a monster for what he had done. But that did not mean that a monster was all he could be. He refused. He would persevere. He would survive and most of all. He would keep trying to help.

No more hiding. No more feeling sorry for himself. He couldn’t keep on dragging someone else underwater to keep himself from drowning.

With that new resolution in the forefront of his mind The Doctor looked around. Now then. How to get off this blasted iceberg.

…

_“Well, blimey. Isn’t this a fantastic way to kick things off?”_

The Doctor thought sarcastically to himself as he shirtlessly stood chained to a high-tech operating table that were currently placed in an upright position.

“Come on now. I was just passing through, honest. Is this really necessary?”

The Doctor asked his pink skinned captors.

“Fascinating. The subject is fluent in our language despite clearly not being a member of the Quagris.”

The lead scientist said scratching his chin with a four-fingered hand. His four black eyes drifting up and down his body before returning to his notes.

The Doctor’s head fell back in defeat and he wondered why he even bothered. He should have known not to come to this planet before long after they had made first contact. The Quagris are and always will be some curious blighters that would not hesitate to cut something or someone up to satisfy they curiosity.

Gritting his teeth, The Doctor tried to think of a way to get out of this situation without getting dissected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: So… cliffhanger. Btw. The title of the chapter is a nod to the song “Stand tall” from Julie and the Phantoms.


	21. Reawakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy pov:

Clawing herself to consciousness The Ma… Ar… Ma…? Whatever her name that-she-could-not-remember-for-the-life-of-her-at-the-moment was. Oh well. Anyway! Holding her head, she looked around in a hazed confusion.

Looking around at the room themed after… what’s the word? Something in the sea? Yes. She was pretty sure it had something to do with the sea, the word she was looking for. Or was it the forest? Hang on. Never mind that. Where for the love of her crazy aunt Vespa was she?! After a few seconds her head cleared enough for her to get a vague sense of familiarity, like she had been here before.

Oh, now she remembered! It was her room in her friends… what was the word? T… TT-capsule? Sounds about right. Speaking of. She thought as her head snapped up. Where had her friend gone off to now?

Getting shakily off the bed. She ignored her pounding head and the worried hum she got from the TT-capsule as she got out of the room and out into the hallway. Fully intending to go find her friend.

…

After stumbling down a few hallways she stopped up mid-stride… Where was she again? She wondered as she looked around. Looking downward something caught her attention. Her face contorted in disgust at the sight. Why the heck was she wearing a frilly, white dress?!

Her disgust grew as she grabbed a corner of the dress closer to her face. It felt like something snapped within her as she furiously started to tear the dress to SHREDS!!

Breathing heavily, she looked at her handiwork. A crazed grin formed and she let out a laugh at the sight of the remaining rags. Straightening up her head felt much clearer. Now then. Time to go find The Doctor. She decided. Looking back at what remained of her clothing she sneered before deciding to take a little detour to the wardrobe.

She wasn’t certain in the least on what suited this version of her, but girly, frilly, white and innocent was NOT it.

…

Rummaging through the clothing racks she growled in frustration and fought the urge to tear a bigger amount of clothing asunder. Why the buggering hell could she not find anything decent?!

Fists clenching, she tried to reign in her temper. Flying off the handles would not help. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted something purple. Head twisting she looked fully on the offending object. A smile broke out at the sight of the purple Victorian-styled high-waisted skirt and its matching jacket.

Huh, seemed like she was rather fond of purple this go around. She mused as she hummed to herself while grabbing the clothes along with a white wingtip collared blouse.

Looking at herself in the mirror after donning the outfit she felt rather pleased at the outcome. Now this felt like her.

Head tilting, she once again tried to remember her name. She sighed at the negative results. All she could remember was that it started with an M and maybe ended with a Y. One would think it would not be so hard to remember something as basic as ones own name. She thought to herself irritably.

But no matter. Looking closer at herself in the mirror she decided.

_Well, know what? I’ll go with… Missy. Since I am clearly a miss this go around. Now then. Where has that wayward Doctor gone off to?_

Missy thought to herself before moving in the direction of the console room. Looking up she asked the TT-capsule’s consciousness.

“Is The Doctor in?”

Receiving a negative hum Missy sighed. Seems like she’s going out then. Arriving in the console room Missy looked around.

“Oh, there’s my umbrella.”

Missy exclaimed before grabbing it from where it was hanging on the railing. Smiling fondly as vague memories of her working on her little project emerged. Looking over at the TARDIS (OH, that’s the word) console she told her.

“Well then. I’ve got my clothes. Got my… I think laser-umbrella? Or was it sonic? No matter! I’ve still got it. Now I’m just missing my dear Doctor. I’m off to find him.”

Blowing her a kiss Missy waved and said teasingly.

“Don’t wait up.”

Before skipping towards the exit. Just as she reached the doorhandle she froze before twirling around.

“Oh, by the way. Almost forgot. Sorry again.”

Missy said before exiting the TARDIS. She could not for the life of her remember what she had been apologizing for, but she had a feeling it was more than warranted.

…

Missy laughed as she skipped down the white hallway. This was rather fun she thought as she shot down another of the pink little pests in lab-coats that seemed to live here with her umbrella. Watching them drop like a marionette that got its strings cut was oh so entertaining.

Giggling with glee, Missy shot down another two that had just rounded the corner in front of her. Oh, she had nearly reached The Doctor now. Pushing open the white double doors she could feel her dear Doctor’s mental signature behind her laugh cut off abruptly.

All signs of amusement faded as she saw her best friend chained down to a table. Several of the pink, four-eyed, lab-coat wearing, INSECTS standing around it. One of them about to lower a knife down to The Doctors bare chest. All of them had frozen up in surprise and looked at her upon her intrusion.

Missy took the scene with a blank face. The only thing betraying her rising anger was her eyes.

Missy clenched her teeth.

How. Dare. They.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: Well then. Here’s the newest chapter. A bit more going on this time. Tried to have Missy’s darker side is showing a bit. I have no plans to have her as a constantly happy and innocent character. This is still The Master we are talking about after all. 
> 
> Btw. If everything goes as I have planned so far then the next chapter is the last one before starting on writing Missy into the actual show. That and there’s a reason why I’ve decided to go with the whole fainting and unconsciousness to maintain her mind thing.


	22. Where's my shirt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what I’d be without that noise” (Quote: The Master, End of time part 2).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor's pov:

The Doctor had rather frantically been trying to think of a way to somehow prevent getting dissected. Which was warranted all things considered when the four eyed menaces (he usually had more respect for the various species of the universe, but that did not apply when they were planning on slicing him up!) hadn’t been able to find an anesthetic (heck even a painkiller) that worked on Time Lords and had therefore gone ‘oh well’ and decided to commence their operation to carve him open like a Sunday roast. While he was awake!

And then they had gone and blocked his mouth since apparently ‘his screams would be a nuisance and they were getting tired of his endless prattling’. The Bastards.

They had just lowered the table. The scalpel barely breaking through his skin when the doors slammed open. Tilting his head to the right The Doctor saw a rather different looking Mary standing in the doorway. She had apparently decided to dich the white dress in favor of a purple high waisted skirt with a matching jacket. Still giving off Mary Poppins vibes, but not to the same level as earlier.

He could see the moment her mind registered the scene in front of her. How the smile she had been sporting slid off and got replaced with a furious scowl. The Doctor could not help the surprise he felt at that. He could not recall a single time since he had met her that he’d seen the forgetful lady actually getting angry.

The Doctor watched with a rising feeling of apprehension as her face turned blank. The only sign remaining of her anger being her tightly clenched fists.

“Excuse me. Would anyone mind telling me what is happening here?”

She asked in an eerily light tone. Her question made the pink twats snap out of their shock at her intrusion.

“Another subject of the unknown species has entered our facilities. This one appears to be of the female variant. Call security to subdue it for further examination.”

The prat in charge announced. The Doctor’s eyes widened in panic as he frantically tried signaling ‘get away’ to the oblivious Time Lady (blast it, they just had to shut him up didn’t they!). Alas, it was too late. Soon the room had filled up with a large amount of the facility’s security personnel.

Looking around herself at the rather intimidating bunch of pink douchebags. Mary sighted.

“Right then. If we are going to do this…”

She said cutting off mid-sentence. Pulling an i-pod out of one of her pockets. The four eyed creeps looked at her confused. One of them opened their mouths to demand her to identify the device in her grasp. Holding up a finger in the air she shushed him while continuing on typing on it with her other hand.

“Hang on a tick.”

She said in a reprimanding tone. Like one would do when scolding a child.

“I…”

She said distractedly. While continuing on typing.

“Prefer…”

She continued. Still typing.

“Having some…”

Smiling she pocketed the I-pod as the song **Last one Standing** by **Simple Plan** started blasting from the speakers. As she finished by proclaiming.

“Music on when I fight. Now then…”

Rolling her shoulders Mary made a ‘come here’ gesture before shouting mockingly with an American accent.

“Come at be bro!”

That broke the stalemate.

…

The Doctor watched in shocked awe as Mary weaved her way through the masses of attacking bodies. Using a mixture of martial arts and the beams shooting out from her umbrella to make her opponents go down and stay down.

As the fight escalated, he could see a bloodthirsty smile forming. He saw multiple people go down from everything from a swift jab to a pressure point to a good old hard kick in the head. She fought ruthlessly until she was the only one left standing. She was full on laughing by the end of it.

A full-on bellyaching laugh that made her bend forward. Straightening up she looked over at his little predicament. Namely still being shackled to a bleedin’ table. Skipping over she tutted before she said humorously. Like she hadn’t just beaten up a bunch of people.

“Hey now my dear. Doesn’t this bring back memories?”

The Doctor sent her an irritated glare at how she was just standing there laughing. Her face lit up in realization.

“Oh right. Hang on.”

She started unlocking his chains and uncovered him mouth.

“Thanks.”

The Doctor said. Still not over the shock he’d gotten earlier.

“You’re welcome.”

Mary responded off handedly as she kept sending glances at the unconscious Quagris surrounding them. Her face going blank with a vague look of confusion lurking behind her eyes. Once he’d gotten fully released The Doctor stood up. Grabbing her shoulder, The Doctor asked.

“S’ there something wrong Mary?”

She looked at him. Clearly confused by something. The Doctor was getting a nasty feeling of deja-vu.

“Who in the world is Mary?”

She asked incredulously. And there it was! The Doctor sighted. Not again.

“What?”

She asked. Her face revealing her annoyance at his reaction. Whoops. Not what he had intended. Throwing his hands up in defense The Doctor quickly said.

“Sorry my bad. S’ just that you’ve forgotten your name again. Or, well, not exactly your name. More like what you decided to go by until you got your head on straight.”

“Oh.”

She said contemplatively. Raising an eyebrow in disbelief, she asked.

“I seriously went with Mary?”

She grimaced as she spat out the name she had previously shown such a fondness at.

“Why on earth did I go for that? Honestly. Did I think I was the supposedly virgin mother of that holy bloke the humans worship?”

She sneered. What was this? The Doctor couldn’t help but wonder. He’d never seen her like this before.

“I prefer Missy. Call me Missy.”

She said. Her previous disgust being replaced with her usual smile in the blink of an eye. Her eyes began straying back to the bodies around them again. Lightly shaking her shoulder her attention returned to him. Blinking she asked.

“What were we talking about again?”

The Doctor looked at her with a familiar worry growing in the pit of his stomach. Scratching his ear awkwardly The Doctor said hesitantly.

“Um, nothing big. You seem a bit distracted s’all. Was just wonderin’ if something was wrong.”

Mar… Missy’s eyes lit up in comprehension.

“Oh. Pfft.”

Missy let out a short laugh. Waving her hand in dismissal she told him.

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head over. I’m just trying to remember something.”

Missy looked like her head would explode if she tried thinking any harder. Sighing frustratedly she rubbed er eyebrows.

“Know what I give up.”

Throwing her hands up in the air in defeat she turned to him and asked.

“Hey Doctor my dear. Is killing good or bad? It seems important, but I can’t remember for the life of me!”

Her voice had gained an edge of hysteria by the end of the sentence. The Doctor felt frozen in place as he looked at her shocked. How much had she forgotten? Shaking himself out of it he responded quickly.

“Bad. That’s bad.”

The Doctor started regretting his answer as her eyes clouded over. All emotions slipped off his face as she turned back to look at her defeated enemies.

“I… Think we may have a teensy little bit of a problem then.”

The Doctor looked at her worriedly. Let it be known that he was not an imbecile. He had noticed how she liked to skirt over her issues. It had taken him a while. She was rather good at hiding it and he’d not exactly been in the best headspace himself, but notice it he did. He hadn’t been planning on confronting her about it. But he had in all honesty grown tired of seeing her like this.

Crossing his arms over his bare chest (Oh that’s right… he wasn’t wearing a shirt… Fantastic. Like this couldn’t get any more awkward) The Doctor looked at her sternly.

“Missy. What’s wrong?”

Looking back at him The Doctor nearly recoiled at the fear he could see in her eyes. The Doctor once again regretted opening his mouth.

That look on her face… He did not like it. Not one bit. She was his friend. She shouldn’t be scared of him. He did not want her to be scared of him. Ever. His stern countenance softened.

“Missy. Can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Biting her lip nervously she cleared her throat and blurted out nervously.

“IcantrememberifIusedlethalmovesornot”

“I’m sorry what?”

The Doctor asked wide eyed in shock. Had he caught that right? Hiding her face in her hand she repeated herself slowly.

“I can’t remember if I used lethal moves or not.”

Oh dear. Looking at what might be the dead bodies lying around the room The Doctor simply stated.

“Oh, well that’s not good.” 

Turning his way, she seemed to look everywhere but at him. Nodding she replied.

“Yes.”

The Doctor was not sure how to respond to that… On one side she had (maybe just maybe) killed a bunch of people. On the other hand, they had attacked her first and she was mentally unstable… Oh who was he kidding! This had gone way past the definition of merely being mentally unstable! On the brink of either insanity or complete memory loss was more like it. Maybe both.

And anyway, no matter how you put it there was the fact that they had been planning on dissecting the both of them… That is not to say that it was okay to straight up kill them, but not exactly much he could do about it now. He was also in all honesty

Except making sure it wouldn’t happen again. Sighing heavily The Doctor asked her.

“How did this happen?”

Scratching her neck nervously she started rambling.

“Well, I made this.”

Gesturing to her umbrella.

“But I can’t quite remember what it does. And when I was fighting I pressed pressure points which either you know… stops the heart or make the victim pass out. Things like that.”

She started pacing as she continued.

“It does not help in the slightest that I feel so bloody…”

She froze up mid stride. The Doctor looked at her worriedly. What was it she was feeling that shocked her so much? Tilting his head, he asked her.

“Feel what?”

Looking at him wide eyed in shock he could sense the underlying fear at her next admission.

“Angry.”

Recoiling she started mumbling under her breath.

“No no no. I can’t be angry. Angry is bad. Bad bad bad. Need to make it go away. Make it stop. Stop stop stop.”

This was not good. Hurrying over The Doctor grabbed her by the shoulder and gently started shaking her.

“Missy. Missy. Come on. Snap out of it. It’s okay to be angry!”

Her eyes cleared up as she looked at him. Anger filled her eyes as she glared at him and shouted.

“No, you snap out of it!”

Pushing him away she walked angrily away from him (The sight of his friend walking away from him, shaking in anger made The Doctor’s hearts clench in pain… anyway). Reaching one of the walls she punched it fiercely. Looking back at him she exclaimed.

“It’s always the anger! Or the hatred! Or the pride! Or one of the other nasty little demons of mine!”

She punched the wall again. Either not noticing or caring about the increasing amount of blood now dripping from her fist. The Doctor wanted to drag her to the med-bay immediately when he saw it, but that would mean making her stop. Stop telling him why she was so terrified of being angry. Stop letting him in. And he could see this was something serious she was telling him about.

_(“Shh. No emotions. Don’t feel any new emotions.”)_

His eyes flashed in a vague understanding when he remembered what she had told him in the midst of her last fit of insanity. Seeing the fear and hurt hiding behind the anger in her eyes only seemed to confirm his suspicions. He did not like it. Not. One. Bit. Gritting his teeth, The Doctor looked at Missy silently.

“They.” Punch. “Ruin.” Punch. “EVERYTHING!” PUNCH!

He stood there. Shirtless and rather knackered from his earlier capture and following escape attempts listening to his friend’s ravings on the dangers of emotions. Watching as she punched the wall as if she wanted to break every bone in her hand.

All right that’s enough! The Doctor’s self-control snapped. Rushing forward he grabbed the bleeding arm that had moved itself backwards in preparation for another punch.

“MISSY!”

The Doctor shouted. His shout broke her out of her crazed state. Looking at him in shock before noticing the pain radiating from her hand, she looked at it and simply said. Her voice barely more than a whisper.

“Ouch.”

Looking at her sternly. He asked with a heavy dose of sarcasm imbued in his voice.

“Oh. Notice it first now did you?”

She nodded silently in response. The Doctor sighed at the confirmation. His stern countenance softened as he asked her gently.

“Missy… Have you been… suppressing your emotions?”

Not looking him in the eye she said sheepishly.

“Not all of them. Just the bad ones.”

“Missy… You do know that’s not the least bit healthy?”

The Doctor asked. She gained an indignant look as she opened her mouth about to unleash what would most likely be a scathing defense of her actions. The Doctor quickly continued.

“Now I know I’m not what you would call the best at the whole emotion thing myself, but I at the very least have an unscrambled brain.”

Scoffing she said angrily.

“Oh yes. Cause’ that is just the thing you need on top of everything else. An amnesiatic, emotional wreck with anger issues.”

The Doctor looked at her incredulously. What the stinking hell did it matter what he needed?

“Missy… This has nothing to do with what I need. It’s about what you need. And the way I see it. What you need is to take some time to take care of yourself.”

The Doctor held up a hand to silence the indignant looking Missy who was about to make a feeble attempt to protest his spot-on assessment.

“Don’t you go thinkin’ I haven’t noticed how you’ve been pushing yourself. You know I’m right. One does not have that sort of breakdowns for the fun of it.”

Her face melted into a reluctant resignment. Pinching his nose, The Doctor continued pointedly.

“And I mean without you wastin’ your mental capacity on showing your emotions in a box.”

Missy looked away. The previous stubbornness returned in full power the second he said it.

“Missy.”

The Doctor sighed. Scoffing she said.

“Don’t you go ‘Missy’ me. You are basically asking me to go take month long naps and leave you alone. And be an emotional wreck when I actually am awake.”

She looked up at him stonily.

“I do not want to be an inconvenience.”

Missy said lowly through gritted teeth. Reaching out The Doctor rubbed soothing circles into her shoulders.

“Hey. We have a deal don’t we? You deal with my shit I deal with yours?”

That made her let out a startled laugh. It was short and soft. But it was there.

“So far it’s been mostly you dealing with mine.”

The Doctor continued. Talking as if he was speaking to a wounded animal he told her softly.

“Now it’s my turn to return the favor.”

Missy looked at him uncertainly. Her resolve visibly wavering in her eyes. Smiling encouragingly The Doctor told her.

“Don’t worry I can handle it. Trust me. I’m The Doctor.”

Her shoulder slumped in defeat. Giving a small resigned smile she said sadly. A single tear falling from her right eye.

“I’m never enough for you, am I?”

The Doctor’s hearts clenched in pain. Pulling her into a hug The Doctor told her.

“Don’t you say that. I would have been lost without you. You just need to focus on getting better. I want you to get better. That’s all I want from you right now.”

Letting out a shaky breath Missy hugged him back.

“No fair. You graduated from broken to heavily battered before me.”

She mumbled into his bare shoulder (Oh dear lord he was still not wearing a shirt). The Doctor chuckled softly.

“That’s what happens when you put all your effort into fixing me that you forget to work on your own repairs. Now hurry up and catch up so we can be heavily battered buddies together.”

The Doctor said teasingly. The heavy mood lifting. Missy sniffed. Smiling into his shoulder she responded.

“Right. I’ll get right onto that. In a bit.”

“Right, good. That’s fantastic.”

Neither made a move to let go of the other.

“Theta?”

Missy said quietly.

“What?”

The Doctor responded just as quiet. Clearing her throat Missy said.

“If we’re going to do this can you promise me something?”

“What?”

Pulling away enough to look him in the eye she said.

“Don’t be alone. I don’t care if you get another one of those little pet humans of yours, a metal dog or anything else. Just don’t be on your own. We both know you are absolute rubbish on your own.”

The Doctor sighed. He was all things considered not sure he was or ever would be ready to get a new companion on board. But he wouldn’t deny she had a point. He knew he was more reckless when he was by himself and the thought of Missy lying unconscious in the TARDIS was usually not enough to stop him.

She could always pilot it away herself after her head was fixed enough if he died.

So… yeah she had a point. That and he couldn’t deny how lonely he felt without Missy around.

“Alright.”

The Doctor told her. He would at the very least try.

…

They stood there hugging in silence for a long while. A groan made them jump. Looking over they could see one of the Quagris she’d downed earlier slowly returning to consciousness.

“Huh. Seems like I the very least did not kill all of them after all.”

Missy exclaimed happily before walking over and giving the awakening pink man a swift kick in the head that sent him straight back into the land of the oblivious.

“Missy.”

The Doctor said exasperated. A small smile on the brink of forming in the corners of his mouth.

“What.”

She asked innocently. Shaking his head with a fond amusement The Doctor gave up on the matter and said.

“Come on. We better get going.”

The Doctor started walking towards the doors.

“Um… Doctor? Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Missy asked. What was she talking about? The Doctor wondered. Looking back at her in confusion he asked her.

“Forgetting what?”

Gesturing him to come closer Missy whispered in his ear.

“Your shirt.”

“What?”

“You’ve forgotten your shirt.”

Looking down The Doctor saw his own bare chest.

“Oh. You’re right. Where is my shirt anyway?”

Looking at him with raised eyebrows she pointed at a shiny silver table he hadn’t noticed before standing in the corner of the room. With his dark green shirt and leather jacket laying neatly on top of it.

“Oh…”

The Doctor sent her a wide grin.

“Fantastic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: Well. There ya go. One damn long chapter by my standards! Hope ya like it. Sorry it took a while. M' gonna work on my other story Lunar Wolf now. Bye!


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